I would suggest that you consider CBT.
I would recommend the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In CBT, one is taught new ways of thinking and behaving and as a result, one's mood improves. anxiety and panic attacks decrease. In addition CBT is evidenced based as the most effective form of treating anxiety. Since you have no money for therapy here is a workbook that you can use to help yourself. See:
If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!
The book (which I omitted Is called CBT for Dummies and is available at amazon.com.
I would assume you are hidding from the pain and so you numb yourself because you are ashamed (without cause of the real you). Yes I think CBT could help with that.