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Narcissism and OCD are two different disorders. Narcissism takes place where one inflates ones own importance and discounts other peoples feelings, etc. OCD is an uncontrollable need to to repetitively do or think of something. If you realize that the other person is afflicted with the disorders (consider the source) you can lessen the degree that it impacts upon. The approval that you need should ideally come from yourself. which is the only thing you have control of.
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Are you saying that we should not expect clarity or validation from the other person about what we can expect from him. The approval we seek is to understand whether its possible to have a reasonable relationship and if these disorders can be managed by an individual with help/therapy and can such help improve the individuals ability to communicate more effectively in his relationships with his loved ones.
Your answer helps define the terms -but limiting impact requires a better understanding of the other persons/conditions and lilmitations and then how we can manage our own expectations and feelings -including parameters for me and the kids.
Are there any self -help guides or resources i could access .
We dont need his approval -what we need is an understanding of how complex personality disorders are impacting on family life and how we can limit the fallout ?
And how he can continue to play a part in his childrens life without the destructive side taking over important occassions?