Hi there ,
Welcome to Just answer !
Well, i would say that it was to early in your marriage to bring to discussion about past affairs / relationships , as you still had to go a long way to build that unique trust that needs to be there to discuss such insecure topics with each other in the first place.
Anyhow , it seems , you just rushed up due to your past where in you had to bear a lot of insecure moments in your past relationships , but you have to know for a fact that all relationships are not similar , like all humans are not similar in their thinking patterns , attitude and commitment to a relationship.
However, now the problem you and your wife are facing is regarding your Obsession about your trust in her , which you yourself at times feel unreasonable and try to resist such thoughts with will power, but the obsessional thoughts , true to their characteristic ,are too poweful and you give up to them , as a result it leads to disharmony between you and your wife and now things have become so blown out , that your wife is getting hurt both physically and emotionally , whle you on the other hand is having distressed mental state with Obsessional thinking as a real curlprit causing stress in in your otherwise beautiful relationship.
So, i suggest that you and your wife seek marital therapy from a marriage counselor / relationship expert and work on building trust in each other and making your relationship stronger emotionally.
Secondly, you need to get your obsessional thinking controlled , and this you will not be able to do alone , so i suggest that you seek psychotherapy ( counseling ) for self , from a psychologist , preferrably Cognitive behaviour therapy ( CBT ) which is the best type of psychotherapy suited for controlling such obsessional thinking .
So, kindly do the needful as suggested above , as you have gone past that phase where both of you could have handled this issue mutually , now you need help of a professional such as a marriage counselor for marital therapy for both of you and psychologist for your obsessional thinking , for you alone.
I hope this helps..
I wish you all the best..