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cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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Im in a relationship with someone whom I believe has borderline

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I'm in a relationship with someone whom I believe has borderline personality disorder and is a pathological liar. It took me some time to figure all of this out as I have never come across someone with this kind of behavior. I am at my wits end with this person. I care deeply for them, but cannot endure the lying, cheating etc...that come along with these disorders. I have not confronted her about these disorders, because she denies everything I ask her anyway. I have found out many things about her and she will not admit anything which leaves me no choice but to leave. I am having a hard time doing this (leaving) but I cannot put up with this. After all that my question is how do I brink it to her attention that I think she has these disorders?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.

HI goalie and thanks for using JustAnswer.com

 

I am so sorry to hear your situation. A couple of things that I know will not bring you comfort and you so dont want to hear, but adults do not change no matter how much you wish they would. I know full well that this is not the answer you want and because you care so much and so well for this person I know that you wish hard there is something you can do or say that would make them stand up and say Eureka! I see the wrong of my ways and I am going to change now!

 

I am so sorry to tell you that it is not going to happen no matter how much you wish.

Living with a bordlerline is heaven and hell. one day they are wonderful and then the next horrible. The drugs, the self mutilating, the drama is painful to watch and to live with. I have not known too many borderlines to lie but obviously there is much more here than bpd. Generally pathological lying is not a characteristic of bpd but who knows what is happening here.

 

I am sorry you had to endure this and you are quite the soldier to have done so much to try and help her. I wish I could offer you more comfort on this but the sad truth is that without a great deal of therapy people with bpd do not change and either you accept the constant roller coaster existence or you move on.

 

I am hoping you decide to move on. You deserve someone who is caring to you and does not make every day so difficult. If you decide to hang in and if your partner does decide she can tolerate therapy the best one I know of is DBT (Dialectial Behavioral Therapy) and it does work quite well, but it also takes some time of intensive treatment. The creator of this kind of therapy not only has BPD herself but was a friend and colleague of mine years ago. Dr. Marsha Linehan. If you google her and BPD you will find a wealth of resources.

 

I am just so sorry you have been through this experience.

You have all my very best and good luck to you.

Cathy

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What I want to know, is how do I bring the BPD and lying to her attention? The reason I know she has been lying is that I have her passwords to many of her personal accounts and have seen phone calls, emails, and myspace messages and by the way she is in her 20's so she's not quite as old as me. I suppose the age difference and maturity has a part to play, but for the most part her lying is just out of control and its not just to me. Its to her family, her friends, her teachers at school. She doesn't self mutilate, but exhibits most of the behaviors of BPD that I have researched online. Again I want to know the best way to bring it to her attention. Should I call her therapist or her doctor?
Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.

Hi goalie, I do not think she is going to be able to hear you if you talk to her and by all means call her therapist and while the therapist is bound by privacy laws not to speak with you the therapist can listen to what you have to say.

I am sorry to disappoint you but a true borderline is not going to hear you. And a pathological liar is not going to care much less listen. I would not tell her that you have been sneaking into her email accounts with her password XXXXX she is going to accuse you of bpd.

I am sorry to disappoint you. I have answered as honestly and earnestly I can. I wish there were more options but there are not with these types of disorders.

Best wishes to you. I wish you all the best of luck

Cathy



Edited by cathy on 2/2/2010 at 1:32 AM EST
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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