Hi Poco and thanks for using JustAnswer.com
I don't know where you live but I am going to give you a link that may help you very much. In addictions many of us no longer use blaming terms such as dry drunk, co dependent and enabler as terms. I think you might like this approach and it very well might help your family in recovery. The approach is actually for the family in recovery and not the addict or alcoholic alone.
I like this approach a lot because it reduces stigma so much. They have both 12 step and non step options. Whatever is palatable for you and your family.
If you contact them they can refer you to a program nearby that can help you. If you live in Massachusetts where I do, the Department of Public Health now uses this approach and no longer uses some of the older models as the first line of treatment. I do not know when it is available in other states, but I know the Federal Government (SAMHSA) has alotted a great deal of funding to provide ARISE training around the country.
Good luck to you and you have all my very best on such a tough situation.
Yes, sorry about that. I was responding to your last line that co dependent confuses you and it has always confused me, so perhaps I jumped the gun here. I have never been one for labels so when you said loser, codependent and other things I thought maybe you were looking for an altnerative to what you have tried. You didnt really formulate a question so perhaps I answered your post too quickly. I am going to repost this so other experts can answer but please be sure to formulate a question. I am sorry you were not satisfied with my response but there are many other experts here who have different perspectives than mine and I am sure they can help you better.
Thanks poco and very best of luck to you.