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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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HI IAM AN INDIAN, AND I LIVE IN DUBLIN, IAM IN LOVE WITH A

Resolved Question:

HI XXXXX AND I LIVE IN DUBLIN, IAM IN LOVE WITH A GIRL WHOM I MET OVER INTERNET AND SHE LOVES ME EVEN, I KNEW HER FOR THE PAST 9 MONTHS BUT I HAVENT MET HER, IM GOING TO MEET HER IN THE MONTH OF APRIL, MY PROBLEM IS MY GIRL HAD A BOY FRIEND BEFORE , SHE HAD A RELEATION FOR ABOUT 6 YRS AND SHE BROKE UP VTH HIM ABT AN YEAR BACK, SHE IS TURNING 22 THIS MONTH AND IAM 25, SHE HAD MANY FREINDS WHOM SHE MET OVER INTERNET , IAM BEING DISTURBED EVERY MINUTE IF I THINK ABOUT HER PAST AND HER FRIENDS OVER INTERNET, I MADE HER TO DELETE ALL SOCIALISING WEBSITES AND MESSENGERS BUT ICAME TO KNOW SHE IS STILL IN TOUCH VTH FEW OF THEM WHICH I DONT LIKE, I BECAME VERRY POSSESIVE IN HER MATTER I KEEP ON CALLING HER EVERY TIME MAKES ME TO THINK WHAT IS SHE DONING AND ALL..AND I KEEP ON FIGHTING WITH HER ALL THE TIME ABOUT HER UNFAIRNESS TO ME....I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW...COULD YOU PLEASE FIND ME A SOLUTION...THANK YOU
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
I think you need to calm down and stop letting your thoughts get the best of you. If she likes socializing on the internet then that is her right. It doesn't mean she is looking for a boyfriend. Stop jumping to conclusions until you have proof that she is looking for a relationship. Your actions will definitely push her away from you. You need to trust her until you have proof otherwise. Stop calling her and hounding her all the time. If you can't trust her then you don't deserve to be with her.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
y
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

ya the problem is with me her past releationship always hunts me...it makes me keep on thinking what she has did with him and all, its not easy to digest as iam an indian and we truely have different mentalities if you compare with the western countries, i never loved any1 before she is my first but i had sexual affairs with couple of girls , now i can't leave this girl i want her but i should forget her past and i should get rid of showing possesiveness on her,could you please make me to think in a different way ,if she says iam going out or if she doesn't pick my phone call ,atleast 20 negative thoughts comes in to my mind, i dont want to do this iam really satisfied with your previous answer hope i get a satisfied answer again

thank you sir

Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
Well the problem comes down to the way you are thinking about things. 20 negative thoughts; I get it. You need to practice thinking in a different way. For every negative thought you have (i.e. she is cheating, she doesn't love me, she is avoiding me...) you need to have 20 positive thoughts (i.e. she loves me because..., she i snot answering her phone because he could be busy, she likes to socialize on the net but that doesn't mean she is cheating, etc. etc.) You need to train your brain to think about this situation in a rational manner. Question your beliefs and counter those beliefs with healthier and positive beliefs. Work on changing the beliefs and this will help. In addition, work on changing your behaviors and the beliefs may come as well. So for example, if you know calling her 20 times a day in unhealthy then only call her three times or less. Don't bring up past relationships, don't check her facebook or email, etc. Start acting in a way that is healthy and then work on your thoughts. This is the best I can tell you. Good luck.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
well i have practiced all what have you said to me today and it works, im happy with that, but if iam gonna marry that girl will i forget her past ,and one more thing i told her many times ill break up with you but she never accepted she said she can't leave with out me, i cant read her mind, could you please suggest me an answer thet should forget her past, i should never think about that in my whole life,,,is there any way,
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
Sorry but that is an unreasonable request. It is part of who she is and you need to learn how to accept her and her past. If you can't then this relationship will never work.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist.
Dr. G. and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

yes sir even i agree with that but from the past two days ive been practicing my mind..and i keep on remembering the points what u all said in the previous message and we both are happy , i wish i should be the same always, i shall be in touch with if ive got any problem or for any suggestions

thank you very much sir

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