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I’m going to suggest that she would benefit greatly from a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.
CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also cause the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.
These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.
If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.
Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.
Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.
Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.
Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
Thank you for your reply. Prior to this latest episode, I told her that if she did this again, that our marriage would have to end. I told her to think of all the heartache this would cause, to us, to our children, to our grandchildren. A divorce will destroy our lives as we know it. She said she completely agreed and understood this. This was in November of 2008. She seemed to be in control and upon questioning told me that she was being faithful to me. However, I found out that she repeated this behavior In May of 2009 after opening an email at work, (she could not resist!), and meeting this boy at a nearby hotel during lunch. My mother and father had moved in with us and both have died since the November 2009 incident when I warned her that this would not be tolerated again. I did not tell her I knew of the May 2009 incident until after my father died on Jan 2, 2010. At first she denied it, then when I presented evidence she said she had "forgotton about it" that she actually did not remember doing it. Now she has admitted herself to the psych unit at a nearby hospital and says she knows she has to find a way to stop this destructive behavior. She states that she does none of the dating sites, personal ads, etc....that she did indeed learn her lesson about that, and that when she is with me, she does not even think about being unfaithful, but when whe is at work, she becomes a different person that she thinks differently and cannot control her "impulse" to answer his emails. I am a spiritual man and when I took my vows to take her for better or worse, in sickness and in health, I never thought I would face such an issue. I cannot bring myself to believe that her bipolar condtion is a valid "excuse" to be unfaithful to me, to lie over and over again, and to have become a totally different person than she was for many years. If it is her medical/mental condition causing this, should I do more to try to help her, or should I just accept the fact that it is her willingness to seek this pleasure in spite of the consequences? I don't want to abandon a "sick:" person, but I think I may be doing her more harm, and myself, (this is a very stressful situation as I am sure you know), by giving her another opportunity to "change". Do you believe that with the proper therapy that you suggest, she will ever be able to be trustworthy again? I am really struggling with what is the best thing for me to do.
Thank you in advance for you reply.