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Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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i just went through a break up and i feel so awful and sick

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i just went through a break up and i feel so awful and sick in the stomach just thinking that we are no longer together. he's been texting and calling every now and then, but i finally told him that we both needed the space. He's agreed to it but now, I just want to pick up the phone and call him even though I don't know what I'd say. I just miss what we had so much, it's absolutely killing me inside. I was okay this afternoon, but I seem to have regressed again. I want to talk to him but I have a feeling it will turn ugly if I did. He has made it clear that the break is final and so the last thing i feel he needs is a needy and emotional ex-gf on the other line. What can I do to feel better though? I've tried keeping my mind distracted with family and friends, but it's not working. I pretty much spend my time googling "how to get my boyfriend back", which is tragic. How can I manage my state of mind better?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 4 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for using JustAnswer. Break up's are soooo hard!! I'm really sorry to hear your going through this. It's going to take a while to get to a place where it doesn't hurt anymore. Going through a break up is like any loss, there is a significant grieving period where nothing can really console you because it just takes time. There are different stages that you will go through depression, anger, denial, bargaining and eventually acceptance. I would suggest, keep reaching out to your support system, cry, complain, whine and question with your support group and eventually it will start to get better. I would suggest trying to resist the urge to call him.I know right now it seems like a rational idea, but it sounds like he has ended the relationship and wants it to be over. If you call, it probably won't change anything but a year from now you might wish you hadn't. Lastly, if it doesn't feel like it's getting better fast enough, you may want to see a therapist for a while to help you get through it.

I hope this answer helps, please let me know if you have any other questions.

All the best and hang in there, it's going to get better....

Take care,
Kym
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
it's really hard because I'm so angry at him as well for how he broken up with me. we were supposed to leave on a two week holiday an hour before he broke the news to me. he said he was feeling panic attacks and needed to see a psych immediately, and that we wld leave once the session was over. but when he came back from the session, he said our r'ship was giving him anxiety attacks and he had to leave the r'ship immediately for his safety..He says I have emotionally abused him and he couldn't deal with my theatrical anger. I think I have a real problem, i always find myself almost subconsciously wanting to hurt him emotionally because he cheated on me 18 months ago. it's so awful because I can't seem to let the anger and hate go. Why do i continue to feel so scarred? It's really horrible to be in such a dark place!
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 4 years ago.
Hi there,
Thanks for providing more history about the relationship. It sounds like he is a very confused and conflicted person. You may have theatrical anger but don't let him convince you that your anger about him cheating on you is your fault. It is very normal to be angry and hurt about cheating. You may never get over that and many people do not. this is actually a normal psychological response as it helps us leave relationships where people are cheating and protects us from dating other cheaters in the future. I don't think you scarred at all. If you move on to a new relationship and find that you are extremely suspicious then I might think you need to let go but not now. It also sounds like he has a history of "pulling the rug out from under you". It make sense you feel hurt and it is probably because he is on again and off again. I think you might want to keep moving past this relationship it sounds like it will just continue to be hurtful.

I wish you all the best, XXXXX XXXXX me know if you have any other questions.

Take care,
Kym
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience: Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH
Substance Abuse Therapist
251 Satisfied Customers
Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker