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Ask Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH Your Ow...
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 251
Experience:  Over 15 years of experience as a substance abuse therapist. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker
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I have been married for over 10 years and my marriage has not

Resolved Question:

I have been married for over 10 years and my marriage has not been consumated. Initially I thought that I had vaginismus, hence the cause of our sexless union. However, just recently my husband admitted that he has been the one, all long with the "issue". He is not a homosexual, but I feel like he's just not into me. He refuses to see a marriage counselor, but he's recently agreed to see a sex therapist. Any advice?
Brookline, MA
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH replied 6 years ago.
Hi Fleurida,
Thank you for using JustAnswer. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Am I understanding that he is not able to have an erection at all? Is he willing to see a physician for and evaluation and possibly medication for this problem? It does sound like there is something very serious he is unwilling to discuss or open up about maybe due to embarrassment or shame. A sex therapist will actually be a very good start if he is willing to go. I would start where he is willing and hopefully he will become more open to communicating about the issue once he actually sees the therapist. I would suggest if it is an issue of embarrassment regarding telling you what is really going on, allow him to slowly open up with the therapist at his own pace.
On the other hand, if he never will actually go and refuses to work on the problem, I would suggest talking with your therapist further about how long you are willing to stay in this relationship where you feel continually rejected without the hope of communication to fix the problem.

I hope this answer helps some. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if you need further clarification about the above answer.

Take care,
Kym Tolson, LCSW, CSAC, NBCCH and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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