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Gina P, LCSW
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I have a question about my Daughter. She is 48, a recovering

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I have a question about my Daughter. She is 48, a recovering alcoholic that has been dry for almost four years. She and her husband do not get along but that is a two way street. The problem is I live right across the street and anytime she she feels mistreated I hear the same story over and over. I have never put my two cents into their problems and do not care to. However she has been seeing a psycharist for several years now and no matter what medication she is on she does not seem to come out of her depression or lose her feelings of being a victim. Her daughter is now 18 and caught in the middle. No one seems to notice that my daughter is getting worse and I don't know who to talk to. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you, Barbara
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Gina P replied 4 years ago.

Hi,

Thank you for using Just Answer. It sounds as if your daughter is stuck in the problem, rather than the solution. When this occurs the only thing to do is save yourself. Some people feel comfortable staying in the problem. Although it is sad, it is what they know and they also know what to expect. Change can be scary and some are just unwilling to make the sacrifice. Nothing will change until she is ready to change it, and this includes both her psychiatric issues and her alcoholic issues.

You probably know being dry is not the same as being clean and sober. Dry alcoholics are usually not very happy with their lives, because they still haven't learned how to manage their lives in a healthy way. The way to a clean and sober life is through the 12 step programs such as AA, which she can benefit from greatly, it she wants a solution.

As for you, it is probably not healthy for you to be involved in the problem. Sometimes saying something confrontational can help. Something to the effect of: "what do you plan to do to make this situation better for you?" or "I hear you tell me the same things, but your behaviors don't change." She may not be ready to hear this, though. If she is, encourage her to seek counseling and an alternate psychiatrist.

To help you and your grand daughter, I would highly recommend some 12 step meetings for both of you. Al Anon and Al Ateen. Both of these are for family members of alcoholics. It will allow you to have a support network, express your feelings, and learn alternate methods for managing your daughter in a healthy manner. I am including links to both of these so you can find meetings close to you.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience: MSW, LCSW, PIP
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