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Gina P
Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience:  MSW, LCSW, PIP
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Indecision has plagued my life. It may not seem like a big

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Indecision has plagued my life. It may not seem like a big problem, but the years I've wasted becoming so anxious about choices I have to make have been agonizing, I have now been in a state of indecision paralysis over a relationship for over a year. And before that it was about a job, and before I had big decisions to worry about I'd do the same with all the little ones. I've weighed up pros and cons and obsessed about potential outcomes till I've been in tears. I've had to leave my job because of anxiety, and have managed to bore/stress everyone around me to distraction with my constant indecision. The problem is that once I've 'made' a decision, it doesn't feel complete in my head. It still always feels unmade and I literally worry myself sick about it (is this an OCD thing? I do have a diagnosis of it, but for other reasons ie intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but not indecision). I really can't seem to stop. I'm hurting people all the time because I can't decide who to go out with, and the guilt (though I rightfully deserve it) is killing me. Please help me with some practical advice on how to make a decision, and for it to feel 'made', so that this torment can end, and more importantly so that I can stop hurting people. Is this a part of OCD? and if so may more medication help (I take 150mg fluvoxamine maleate a day).Thank you.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Gina P replied 4 years ago.

Hi,

The indecisiveness you are describing is related to the OCD. If you have stopped some obsessive compulsive behaviors through medication, his one has increased as a result. I am not going to tell you how to make decisions. You are making them daily when you choose to obsess over past decisions, although these are intrusive thoughts. I hope you are talking with your physician about other medications or combinations of medicines. These sound like they need an adjustment.

I know you sound very frustrated, and I can't offer you much from this end. But, it sounds as if the compulsion is not fulfilling the obsession, which is primarily the trait of the OCD diagnosis. And this is why it does not fill completed after the decision is made.

A combination of medications and counseling may help if you work on both these treatments consistently. Please let me know if you have further questions. Gina

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for replying. I think I understand what you are saying, although it's a little depressing to realise that (from what I think you are saying) the nature of OCD is that as soon as you master one OCD trait, another comes in it's place (although looking back, I can see this has been the case throughtout my life, but I didn't put 2 and 2 together until recently, and see that indecision was an symptom). I have, yesterday, increased the dose of my medication by 50mg, so will see if that helps. I know you are unable to make my decisions for me, but at present, due to this, I have got myself into a terrible mess whereby I am back and forth between two people who I can't decide who to let go of. This is fine from the point of view of my own head being in a mess (well not fine, but I'm used to it), but I'm badly hurting these people as they are in limbo with their lives too because of me, and I hate the fact that I am dishonest. I sit myself down daily and struggle with the guilt of what I'm doing to others. I take valium and drink, and self harm when the guilt gets too much to bear. Surely, I say to myself, anything (making a decision and it turning out to be 'wrong') would be better than me feeling like this, as well as hurting other people (which I hate myself for), but whichever way I turn, the doubt grips in a massive way. Basically, in the short term can you give me some advice on what I should do about my relationship mess for the sake of the people I'm messing about, as I can't afford therapy and will have to wait a while to see whether or not this increase in meds will help or not. Would it be the right thing to just explain that I can't be in any relationships until I've sorted out this problem do you think?
Expert:  Gina P replied 4 years ago.
Hi Rachael, Thank you for replying. I think it would be better for you in the long run if you do the later. At this time, you are not ready to make a permanent decision with either. It would be a very good idea for you to get yourself healthy first. Even though you may say that you don't want to continue the relationships, expect them to attempt to convince you otherwise. But stand firm in your decision to remain true to yourself. Please let me know if you have other questions. Gina
Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience: MSW, LCSW, PIP
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