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Gina P
Gina P, LCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 175
Experience:  MSW, LCSW, PIP
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I am very worried about my partner. He seems to be suffering

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I am very worried about my partner. He seems to be suffering from depression, which he says is caused by our relationship, which has been happy but frustrating because we can not live together easily due to children and location. He has several times over the last two weeks broken it off cruelly only still keeping me hanging on by telling me how much he loves me...and giving me a little hope, then smashing it by saying he does not love me, etc., etc., This morning he says he does love me again intensely, so I am swinging in and out of despair every 24hours. He wants to have some time on his own, no phone calls only email, which I have agreed to. I am worried that this will keep happening and i am not sure how my own mental health will cope. He will NOT see anyone as he is very proud and being an academic thinks he has all the answers. How can I help him? How can I help myself to cope during this time?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Gina P replied 6 years ago.

Hi, Thank you for using Just Answer. At this point, it sounds as if he is trying to make some decisions. I would allow him to do so, but not at the expense of your own well being. This is a roller coaster of emotions with his indecisiveness. And something you cannot change for him, but you can for yourself.

This is a time for you to focus on yourself and your own wants and needs. Focus back on what you want out of life without including him. By this, I mean develop a set of goals and ambitions for yourself and your children. If he conitnues to be a part of your life, that is well and good, but this is something you do as a separate individual.

Talk to your counselor about learning to set goals in every area of your life. One therapeutic coaching method is to look at all areas such as: spiritual, family, work, mental, emotional, physical, recreational, etc. See how well all these are balanced, and develop goals to fill each one until you are satisfied. Many times we look at the relationship as the end all for everything. But, you can be happy and fulfilled if you work on other areas of your life as well.

This is how you become f balanced, healthy person. It also allows you to attract balanced and healthy people as friends and in relationships.

You can decide if you continue this roller coaster, but at least be good to yourself while you are riding! Do things for yourself, even if you don't feel like doing anything. Action rather than reaction on your part will help you feel empowered. Please let me know if you have other questions. Gina

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