From what you describe you sound anxious and depressed. There are medications designed to help you with these problems which are highly effective. There are several different classes of meds.
I would also recommend the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In CBT, one is taught new ways of thinking and behaving and as a result, one's mood improves. anxiety and decreases. In addition CBT is evidenced based as the most effective form of treating anxiety. See:
Best wishes and good luck nowing there are a number of options of medicine and treatment.
If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!
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