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cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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My husband and I are divorcing. We have a two year old daughter.

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My husband and I are divorcing. We have a two year old daughter. We will have joint custody. Each of us will have our daughter every other weekend. I would like to have the week set up this way: My ex pick her up from daycare M-TH and spend 2-3 hours with her. He can drop her off so I will consistently have dinner ready, give bath, and put her to bed. He wants to switch it up for week 2; have me pick her up from daycare and she stay at dad's at night that next week. I think this will completely be disruptive. I am asking him to try keeping her with me M-Th until summer (we are both teachers). What is best for my daughter? Would keeping her every other week be too discruptive? Thank you!

Hi jenn and thanks for using


The best plan for your daughter will be whatever plan you and your ex can agree upon. Studies have shown that when a child is this young the two most important factors in having her adjust to your divorce in a healthy way are: consisitency of contact with both parents and her perception of your ability to get along well with each other.

It doesnt matter where your daughter spends the night or who picks her up, the constancy that you are striving for, is that she has access to both parents and that she feels you two are both getting along well.

I see that you are looking out for your daughter and as a teacher you are looking for structure and some degree of constancy, and you are right to do so. The biggest factors in healthy development have less to do with the details of the custody and much more to do with the behaviors of the parents and their flexibility.

I understand your concern on this and my recommendation is that you try it your ex's way for a few weeks and see how it goes?

I think she will be fine, but if not you can always renogitiate this plan. Kids are much more resilient and flexible than we are.

I wish you all my very best on this during such a rough time. If you have more questions do ask.


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