Sorry Kathleen my answer cut off before I finished answering.
Recovery is not easy (as you well know and I am not tellling you much that you dont already know). In our culture, despite all scienfic evidence and multiple scientific studies in support, we have a way of making addicts feel as if it is their fault that they developed addiction and have a hard time getting well.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Addiction is not an illness people choose, it chooses them.
Your brother, while actively addicted, probably did unthinkable things to you and others. That does not mean he is a bad person or an incurablely awful human, it means he was desperate and scared.
The website I want you to see and to contact is ARISE which is a family recovery program for families in the exact same situation as you find yourself in.
I admire your courage and compassion as I do that of your brother.
Give me a moment to post the link to ARISE and take it from there.
In the interim Kathleen, you have all my best on this.
Edited by cathy on 1/2/2010 at 5:35 PM EST