I'm a 25yr old Caucasian male, issue began when I was in high school maybe 9yrs ago.
Frequently when I THINK I'm alone I will access memories that I'm regretful of. Things I've did or said or things I didn't do or say and wish I had.
I quickly get a feeling of personal worthlessness/regret and then just as quickly as that occurs & before I know what I'm doing I blurt out a phrase. The phrase will be equally intimidating/inappropriate or it will be self deprecating. The frequency of these occurrences has been increasing and people are hearing me. For awhile I tried to say something positive to follow it up but I haven't been consistent.
Also sometimes during pauses in uncomfortable social situations or right after them I will make a short two syllable sound to myself I do it a lot around people and they think its strange. To compensate for it when I realize I'm doing it and people are around I'll play it up like it was intended and add more sounds to it maybe burst into song or something that seems cooler then having some malfunction.
I'm thinking I'm gonna research how people are treated for obsessive compulsive disorder and treat it as if thats what it is.
Any idea if there is a name for whatever disorder I have or suggestions to make it go away?
I don't like the idea of medication its like an adhesive strip to the problem i will work dilligantly to retrain my brain not to do it if you have any suggestions as to how to