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cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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What do you do when your 23 year old daughter who lives with

Customer Question

What do you do when your 23 year old daughter who lives with your exhusband after 8 years now starts having contact with you but I (mom) feel like I'm only being used.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 4 years ago.

Hello.

In family disputes I always recommend a direct and honest approach. It may be as you said that she is using you in which case you would probably want to end it. If on the other hand she is looking to rekindle a former positive relation, it is probably worth it. The only way to do this is to discuss you your thoughts and feelings. If you find that there is a conflict between the words and the behavior, the behavior is the best guide as to what is taking place. Good luck, but be cautious and protect yourself.

 

 

Sincerely,

Customer/p>

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I've been told the same thing by other people but my question is what to do about the fact that she is lets say wishy washy, one day nice, the next day she's texting me not to contact her anymore. How do I stick to unconditional love when I feel she is abusing the fact. You said end it, how would I even go about doing that if I've tried to stay in contact for so long and then just shut it off? I'm confused.
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

 

Set up an in person meeting. At this meeting set down what the acceptable ground rules are. As difficult as it is if she cannot abide by the rules, you will have to tell her that you will have to cease conversation until she can abide by the rules. I wish there was an answer that huaranteed healthy peaceful results, but there are not.

 

 

Sincerely,

Customer/p>

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have been trying to do the meeting and sitting down like two adults and talking for almost a year and she just never commits. Should I just tell her it's either we sit down and talk or we can't talk at all? I have a 4 year old son that she is really good to. And we see each other in church and at the youth organization events. We are in a tight knit community that I would have to move out of state to get away from.
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

One choice is what you suggested either you talk like adults or do not talk. The other is to attempt to without ground rules which will probably is less likely to lead to conflict. The first choice of either or is likely to lead to a conflict. Is it possible to discuss without conflict just the honest expression of feeling. Moving out of town sounds like an extreme option.

 

 

Sincerely,

Customer/p>

 

Best wishes and good luck

Customer/p>
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I'm sorry, but your responses are like ones that I have gotten from friends for free or read in books from the library.
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 4 years ago.

Hello,

I am oing to opt out so that other experts may attempt to answer your question-best wishes and good luck.

Sincerely,

Customer/p>
Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.

It seems to me that both your friends and a highly qualified expert have given you the same advice. Is it at all possible that you dont want to hear what they have to say?

Sometimes it is too painful to hear good advice and follow it.

You know its possible that the best thing you can do is not what you wish to do. I am leaving this open as an info request in the event that another expert might have a different perspective. I agree with Ralph and your friends on this and I hope you will think about it and follow that recommendation. In any event, I am leaving this open in case any other expert has a different perspective.

Good Luck LP. I wish you all the very best on this.

Cathy

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