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cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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Since my ex husband had an affair its turned me into a control

Resolved Question:

Since my ex husband had an affair its turned me into a control freak and my partner cant go out without getting grief , if hes late i go out of control , if he looks at a women i go off my head . I need help before its too late . Is there any hope for me at all
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.

Hi fraggle and thanks for writing justanswer.com

 

I am thinking your screen name should be fragile and not fraggle because that is certainly your position.

First off,breathe and understand that you are behaving normally and no wonder you are so hyper vigilant.

When your ex husband cheated on you it created damage to your ability to trust. You are reacting and responding normally. Your trust was violated and should not have been.

Since you have moved on to a new lover you have not yet reconciled the damage done to you by your ex. So, you are well enough to love again, just not recovered from the violation of your ex to trust again.

You are so not a control freak. You are a lady who has not healed yet.

Fraggle, you need time and I wish you were not so hard on yourself, but it might do well for you to see a counselor for a brief treatment schedule ( 4 to 6 weeks) so you can regain your self esteem and so you can trust a new man.

I am so sorry to hear your story.

Please try not to drink as alcohol is a disinhibitor and under the influence you will say and do things you would never do sober. These actions will make you feel awful later andyou have to feel better, so much better than awful.

You have all my best wishes on this fraggle and I hope you can feel better soon.

Find a caring and compassionate therapist and tell them exactly what you wrote here. Process the enormous betrayal you survived and find a way to relax and celebrate this new relationship;

Good Luck to you and I think you are going to be fine with a little help



Edited by cathy on 1/1/2010 at 4:51 PM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Many thanks for your help , do i need to go through my doctor as i cant afford private fees .
Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.

Thats okay fraggle. yes go through your doc and ask him or her for a referral.

Please drop a line here and let us know how you made out, OK?

Good luck Fraggle

cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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