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cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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Im a mother of two boys, 6 years and 3 years old who are

Customer Question

I'm a mother of two boys, 6 years and 3 years old
who are extremely attached to their father.. To the
point where i am rejected everytime he is present.
They don't even show love towards me when he is
present.. Everything is daddy daddy daddy...

About 8 months ago, I separated from my husband
and things have gotten even worse. I've tried my best
to balance the situation by spending time with them, giving them affection
but nothing has changed. I'm afraid that if things continue
this way, in a very short time they will probably ask to
live with the father and that will destroy me as a mother..
I've tried to do research on the internet on the subject, but
I'm not sure what I should be looking for. What can I do???
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 7 years ago.

In all candor you are in an extremely difficuly situation. Children of that age associate with parents of the same sex. It may take some time and even then you may loose the disagreement and it will take significant adjustment time. Treat the children with unconditional love.and chose your battles. You cannot disagree about everything. . You can be true to yourself and earn their respect. Like I said the odds are low not in your favor, but that is the truth.. .Best wishes and good luck.

 

 

 

Sincerely,

Customer/p>

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

 

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
So you wouldn't consider there is something wrong?
i blame my husband for never saying no to them.
For not placing limits or discipline of any type. He
just lets them rule him, instead of the other way around..
They are the boss with him.
I have insisted on this issue with him, but his response is
that I am the one with the problem, because I cant
bond with my children.
He has his own childhood trauma, as he was raised by
his grandmother because his parents separated when
he was 5 years old. SInce the kids were born, he made
it his objective to give them everything from toys, to
almost daily activities. Staying at home was impossible
with him. Not even on school days. He also doesn't see
any priority in education and when I say something, he
sometimes disagrees in front of the kids with what I'm
saying instead of giving support.
Anyway, that was one of the 5 issues that made me
take the decision to leave him. Alcoholism, drug addiction,
adultry, lack of communication and discrepancies in the children's
upbringing...
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 7 years ago.

Hello,

On the contrary I think that him making you a bad person to the children is totally inappropriate. What I was trying to explain, it is often very difficult to get the children to see the truth no matter what the reality is. You are in a difficult position, and he is acting inappropriately, but try not to sink down to his level. You are working for both the present and the future. I wish you the best and lots of luck.. You can rest assured that you did the best you could!

 

 

Sincerely,

Customer/p>

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

 

 

 

 

Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Relist: This does not look like professional advice at all..
This does not look like professional advice at all.
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 7 years ago.

I am going to opt out to allow other experts to answer. I was sorry about your dissatisfaction. Best wishes and good look.

 

Sincerely,

Customer/p>
Expert:  cathy replied 7 years ago.

Hi spy, may I ask if you live in the US or the UK?

thanks

Cathy

(I know that must seem irelevant just now, but in the US before parents can divorce in most states a co parenting class is necessary). I am wondering if you live in the US and have taken that course?

Thanks for the info request.

Cathy