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Ask Dr. Ed Wilfong Your Own Question
Dr. Ed Wilfong
Dr. Ed Wilfong, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1528
Experience:  Twenty-five years treating all ages; Specialities: psychopharmacology & diagnosis, MMPI-2, testing.
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My husband took back the jewerlry he gave me without me knowing

Customer Question

My husband took back the jewerlry he gave me without me knowing of it. I found this out the other day. I was looking for the jewelry in my jewelry box and couldn't find it. I told him it was missing, he was rather calm and cool when I told him. I thought he would be upset. I asked him a while later if he had hid it or returned it. he said he didn't. He was again rather calm about me asking this question. I would be upset if someone accused me of taking a gift back. but he was calm. I looking in his sock drawer, and there it was tucked away. I was upset and hurt that he did this on me I needed some time to think, so I told him the next day that I found them. he then confessed to doing it and was sorry for it. My feeling is he was more sorry he got caught. He apparently had them hid for quite some time and only now did he realize it was a bad idea? I asked why he did it, he says my additude has been negative so instead of talking to me he did this, What type of person does this?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Ed Wilfong replied 6 years ago.
Unfortunately, he is the only one who know. The only reason the "makes some sense" would be for financial problems. I think being angry because of your accusations would have been a rational response. At least an answer would have been nice.
I honestly I cannot think of a healthy reason for his behavior. He doesn't seem to care that he upset you, like you said, other than getting caught. Has a sociopathic like lack of empathy. Could have been a hostile act or an unusual obsessive-compulsive type behavior. (I use sociopath-like and ACD-like as the are behaviors that could be part of a disorder. I in no way mean to imply that he has either disorder, just that these behaviors are disconcerting). It is hard enough to analyze behavior when I get t from the patients mouth. Second hand it is very hard. I do allow follow up questions (no extra charge, just pay when were are done). Let me know how I can help further and if there are other behaviors that concern you.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thanks for your reply, he has done other strange things also in the past. this summer we went for a short trip. I had forgot to bring my camera, so I was taking pictures with my phone. We basicly had a good weekend. On the way back home we saw some wild life on the side of the highway, I started reaching for my phone to get a picture so he pulls out a camera from a compartment in the car and told me to use it! I was outraged at this. Why didn't he bring out the camera earlier in the weekend. It almost looks to be the same thing, something of value that I need that he hides.
Expert:  Dr. Ed Wilfong replied 6 years ago.
This seems really odd. It also comes across to me as subtly hostile and controlling. It sounds like it means something about your relationship. I can't say exactly what, but I can't think of a meaning that is good for you. I recommend marriage counseling, but I bet he tells you it is all your fault and your problem. He is fine. You may want to go to counseling on you own to put this behavior, specifically how it affects you, so you can make decisions about how you want to deal with him. Ultimately, you cannot make him change. You can only change you, which is always hard enough. I understand why this is confusing. That is why I recommend you seek counseling. So you can hopefully become less confused and decide what you want to do about the situation.

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