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It sounds like you are suffering from depression. Depression is not caused by anthing you do. It is a chemical imbalance and needs to be fixed by an anti-depressant that raises your levels back up. I would suggest you see a psychiatrist who can do an evaluation and prescribe an antidepressant. Along with that a therapist who does cognative behavioral therapy would be great for you. They can help you figure out what is going on and how you can best cope. I hope this helps. Please let me know if I can assist anymore!