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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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In my past relationship, I was hurt by my ex-boyfriend, he

Customer Question

In my past relationship, I was hurt by my ex-boyfriend, he continually lied and cheated and yet I kept taking him back. Because of that I kept checking phone records over and over again as well as reading emails to see if he still was. Well that relationship ended in 05 and now it's 09 and I met this guy who has been divorced since 07 and we just started living together. I'm starting to check his emails, check his phone records to see if he would do to me what my ex did. He is a sweet guy and knows what I went through because his ex-wife did the same with him but he doesn't treat me like I'm a woman who would cheat on him, he really separates me from his ex-wife. He said that it took him a bad woman to realize a good one. Now with that said, I'm scared to lose him, he knows I check his emails and phone records, he's actually okay with it, but I keep doing it continually and I'm starting to think its OCD because after I'd check and find nothing,I'd be relieved. do you think i have ocd?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi spunkynurse. You are on the right track by telling yourself that there is no need for you to be doing this. I don't this is OCD - I think it is more of a habit that you are having trouble letting go of. You know what you need to do - you need to just stop doing it. I know that is very difficult right now, but that's what needs to happen. Realize that your boyfriend is OK (now) with you checking his messages, and that that means there is nothing to find. Remind yourself that he is trustworthy, that you trust him, and that you don't need to make yourself feel bad by engaging in this behavior. You are going to feel anxious initially when you stop, but those feelings will pass fairly quickly. Find something to distract yourself when you feel like checking and wait for the urge to pass. It will get easier over time. If you feel you need a boost, it wouldn't hurt to go back on the Lexapro for awhile as it does seem to help with obsessive thoughts. Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for that reassurance, I was thinking that I could fix this situation on my own in time. However, I disliked the Lexapro because it made me gain so much weight, do you have any recommendations on another medicine that would help with controlling those obsessive thoughts.
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi again. I think any of the SSRI's would be worth a try, but Lexapro does a good job with this. Perhaps Celexa or Zoloft would be a good alternative to try. I don't think you would have to be on it long if you are not depressed - just long enough to help you break this obsession. Good luck. Tamara