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Dr. Vikas
Dr. Vikas, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2207
Experience:  MBBS ; M.D Psychiatry, MS. Health Informatics
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My husband has a family history of depression. He himself has

Customer Question

My husband has a family history of depression. He himself has struggled with it many years ago. I have known him since I was 5 years old and we had a wonderful marraige. Happy of coarse we had little arguments but we always worked through them and came out stronger.

Recently he has withdrawn from everyone, his closest oldest friends, to his family and myself. He then started to tell me he doesn't know what he wants in life, He doesnt know if he ever loved me or wanted to be with me. We have 2 Children and they are suffering from what he is going through. For about a year he has been compulsively addicted to the computer, games and internet. He's left us 2 times and returned, but nothing changes, he has become empty and emotionless. He has just left us for the 3rd time. We have tried therapists and as soon as they tell him he is depressed and should consider medication he bails. And now he refuses help. He will not admit he is depressed. what can I do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 4 years ago.
Hi liz. I'm sorry to hear about your situation in your marriage. Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything you can do here to help your husband. It sounds as though he has had several opportunities to help himself and he is refusing to do so. Whether depressed or not, he has clearly disconnected from you and your life together. The only thing you have any control over at this point is yourself and how you choose to deal with this situation. I have to ask you, why do you want to be married to someone who says he doesn't want to be with you and has left you three times? I think that is what you need to be dealing with. Go to therapy yourself, and figure out why you feel you need to stay in a relationship that isn't working, with someone who clearly isn't invested in it. You are way too young to be settling for this. Get some therapy for yourself and work on letting go. And by the way, if he comes back again, I would suggest you seriously consider telling him he is not welcome. Best wishes. Please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I know I am ok to be alone, and on my own, that is not the issue, the issue is that I do love the man that he was before his depression kicked in. He was an amazing man, amazing husband, we were so incredibly close, and I love him with all of my heart. I am the one who had him leave this time because he was not seeking help for himself or making any changes. I know what we had, and don't want to lose that. I am also afraid of what he may do to hiimself, and then my children will be left without their father.
Expert:  Dr. Vikas replied 4 years ago.

Hello liz,

This type of behavior is noted in severe depression, but there is a ray of hope as he has returned back twice to you after leaving and this shows that he loves you and the kids. He is behaving in this manner may be because he is not able to cope with his illness at all and is trying to escape from it some how.

If he pays attention to what you are saying, in my view first you should try to find out, why he is so much against the medication for treatment of his symptoms. Another good source of information could be his parents.
Has he tried medicines before and had a severe side effect?

If somehow you or some other person in your's or his family whom he respect or listen too can convince him for the treatment (not by medicines), another good option could be of Cognitive Behavior Therapy if don't want to use medicines at all.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

Please feel free to ask any related query.

Regards

Please feel free to ask if you need clarification/more information. Kindly click the GREEN ACCEPT BUTTON if you are satisfied with the answer. POSITIVE FEEDBACK and BONUS are warmly appreciated.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
he is against medication because his amother abused pain killers severely along with taking antidepressents, so she tells him that it makes you numb and does not help.

I do have my parents who are going to try to talk to his father because right now his father would rather ignore the problem then try to help him.
Expert:  Dr. Vikas replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for your reply liz. So now we have the reason why he wants to avoid medicine at all. Somehow this should be communicated to your husband that antidepressants don't make a person numb, his mother suffered because she was abusing pain killers with antidepressant and antidepressants should not be hold responsible for her suffering.

This is a very good idea that your parents should speak to his father and in turn his father will speak to your husband but in my view this should be done at the earliest without wasting more time.

His father should make him realize that if any person abuse both antidepressant and pain killer they are going to interact and will not be beneficial at all. He can also mention about the usefulness of Cognitive Behavior Therapy if still your husband is not ready to take medicines.
Dr. Vikas, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2207
Experience: MBBS ; M.D Psychiatry, MS. Health Informatics
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