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Hi Elsebeth, Childhood trauma including abandonment can be indicative of Borderline Personality Disorder, but is just one characteristic of this diagnosis. Childhood abandonment can also just create some feelings of unworthiness expecially when you are abandoned by a parent. There are many other characteristics related to BPD and necessary to diagnose this disorder.
What you are describing can also be related simply to the feelings left unresolved as a child. Depression for women can be anger turned inward. In this way you may experience many feelings related to resentment of the missing parent. Resentment is taken from a Latin word meaning "to re feel." Anytime you encounter feelings now that may have originated in childhood, you will feel them to the enormaty that you did then. I hope that makes sense.
BPD is usually treated with a combination of medications and therapy. Since you have already been working on this some, it may be helpful to seek a therapist who is well experienced in doing, what I call "basement issues" related to childhood. This type of therapist can help you recount and re feel those emotions and learn alternate ways of managing them, rather than continunig to feel depressed, abandoned, and less than adequate in relationships. This type of work requires diligent commitment and consistently evaluating yourself and your behaviors that may be dysfunctional. Instead of allowing a laberl on yourself, work toward resolving the symptoms and the problems as they arise.
You may also try journal writing random thoughts. Just write without thinking. This gives the brain permission to bring up other thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to manage or suppressed. The more you put on paper the more your brain will work to get it out.
There are also some good books written about family of origin trauma types. John Bradshaw has several, particularly "On the Family." These can give you a bit more insight into how and why you may feel depressed and anxious.
Elsebeth, you are taking a very positive step in wanting to work and become healthier. Be consistent and faithful to yourself. Don't allow your life to be taken up by these useless emotions. You deserve to feel better and have a full, loving relationship with a healthy person. Please let me know if you have other questions. Gina