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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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My husband wont touch me and if I try to engage him by hugging

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My husband won't touch me and if I try to engage him by hugging or kissing he pushes me away. What should I do? We haven't had sex in a year.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi dka. I'm sorry for your situation. I'm sure you are feeling very lonely. I'm hoping you have tried to talk with him about this. If not, that would be the first thing to do. You need to be able to talk about what the problems are in your relationship that are causing him to feel distant from you. Is he having problems at work? Is it possible he is having an affair? If you don't get anywhere by talking with him, then I would suggest you seek some marital counseling. You may need some professional help to figure out what is going on with your husband and in your marriage. You shouldn't have to live in a relationship with no physical touch or sexual intimacy.

Please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Best wishes. Tamara

Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
Tamara and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 7 years ago.

Hello,

I guess I disagree with my fellow expert. I don't think it is a marriage counselor that is required, but rather a sexual therapist or counselor who specializes in problems of sexuality. You can obtain a reference for a sexual counselor or therapist at American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists. I am enclosing a link so that you may get in touch with them and get a referral for a specific sexual therapist or sex counselor in your area. The link is as follows: http://www.aasect.org/ . I hope that this information has been helpful in I wish you the best.

 

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

If you require further clarification or more information, feel free to ask!

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Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi dka. As much as I respect my colleagues opinion, I will stick by my initial response. It has been my experience in my practice that these kind of problems are frequently the result of unresolved issues in the relationship, not necessarily issues involving sexual dysfunction, per se. If there are issues of sexual functioning, I would agree that a sex therapist would be warranted. Sex therapy specifically addresses sex issues, and sex therapists are well-trained in the physiological processes of human sexuality. They more typically deal with those physiological problems, such as premature ejaculation, inability to orgasm, etc. Unless I misunderstood your question, it is my opinion that that is not where to start addressing this issue. If these types of issues are indeed causing problems in your sexual relationship, then a sex therapist would be appropriate. But if there are problems in your relationship overall (which it sounds like there are), my suggestion would be to seek a marriage counselor. Hope this is all not too confusing! Take care. Tamara








Edited by Tamara Auger, MA, LPCC, CMT, NCC on 12/1/2009 at 4:18 AM EST
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 7 years ago.
Hello,
I just believed that a specific referral to a sexual therapist was in order. This in no way negates what my fellow spoke about rather I believe it what I said was complementary to my fellow experts reasoned response. I still believe the appropriate provider should be a sex therapist as you mentioned no other complaints in your marriage which would certainly be the domain of a Family Therapist. So as to avoid any confusion I am opting opting out and wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Ralph

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