Um... listen, this may not be a popular answer, and it is totally from a male's point of view, but c'mon mcf - is it worth all of this? This is a guy who you have seen (roughly) twice a year, and for a good shot of that time, he was seeing somebody else anyway? I think you are answering your own question.
Well, sort of. You didn't really ask a question, but the subtext is that you want somebody to tell you that this is messed up. Believe me, this is messed up. And I'll say this too: these type of relationships have a VERY difficult time sustaining themselves once the parties actually live together. You have formed a relationship with certain parameters in place. Once those parameters are violated, it will be like starting over... and you may not actually like
the person who you are now married to because they are not the same person you knew "long distance."
Look, I am not trying to kick you in the shins here, but if you honestly don't think you can do better than this fellow, please take a look at your own self esteem. Who would put up with that and then still have a fantasy about the relatiohship working out? Not saying you do carry that fantasy, but are you really considering "working this out?" Plus, think about how slimy he was to try to turn this whole thing back on you as if you were the one with a "problem." There is a good chance this will be his motus operandi once you are married, too.
Imagine having children by him and then receiving a similar phone call or email from a different woman.
Nope... I have been doing couples work for a long time, mcf. This one has "uh-oh" written all over it. Sorry.
My verdict? Unless you are having trouble sleeping
, functioning, etc. I would not think of you as a candidate for medication. Plus, you SHOULD feel rage! Feel it, mcf. Feel it and learn from it so you don't run into the same bug zapper again and again and again! Be good to yourself. At some point, your self-worth is going to kick in and you will see reality more clearly. In the meantime, I DO think you are a good candidate for therapy. And not just to "get over this" issue, but to help you structure future relationships in a way that keeps you on more equal footing with your partner, and also to help you recognize a raw deal before it sneaks up on you and you feel so doggone betrayed.
Be good to yourself - find a therapist and start to work on self-esteem.
P.S. to make the decision to get married "even if we have problems" is a red flag right from the word go. Get good with YOU so that you can get with someone who is also good to YOU.