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Dr. Vikas
Dr. Vikas, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2229
Experience:  MBBS ; M.D Psychiatry, MS. Health Informatics
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My wife has borderline personality disorder, and it seems worse

Customer Question

My wife has borderline personality disorder, and it seems worse than ever. I'm unsure how to deal with her, how to help her, if it's curable, and what to do. It's very draining, and I feel very lost. What do I do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Vikas replied 6 years ago.


I can understand your situation and what you must be going through as sometimes it is very difficult to live with a patient suffering from Borderline personality disorder.

For treatment of BPD, Psychotherapy is the first line treatment. Medicines may be added depending on the symptoms. A particular type of psychotherapy called as Dialectical Behavior therapy has shown good result but you have mentioned that she is seeing a therapist so it is possible that she already undergoing this therapy. If not, you may discuss about usefulness of this therapy with her and her therapist in her case.

Dialectical behavior therapy for borderline personality disorder


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I need more guidance about how *I* should be treating her, interacting with her. I try to be calm, supportive, suggest taking a step back, not rushing to judgement, etc. But it's making me (and her) very unhappy. Can you recommend any books, chat sites, resources for the spouses of those with BPD? Should I be going to the therapy with her?
Expert:  Dr. Vikas replied 6 years ago.

Thanks for your reply. I have to go for some urgent work.

I will get back to you later, if that is OK with you.

Expert:  Dr. Vikas replied 6 years ago.
First of all please accept my apologies for the delay.

Patients suffering from BPD do have frequent mood swings, and change mood within minutes. Within a short period of time they can be argumentative, then depressed or may complaint of no feelings at all. These patients have highly unpredictable behavior and share a very unstable relationship with others.

They hates to be alone and always have this feeling in mind that the person they love may leave them any time. There are frequent complaints of feeling of emptiness and boredom. They are impulsive in nature and can involve themselves in overspending, substance abuse, dangerous driving, and other harmful activities.

In there relationship with other person, either the other person is good or bad, there is no intermediate stage and that is why the find it very difficult to maintain relationship as it is very difficult for them to adjust.

Borderline personality disorder is associated with delicate self-cutting. Additional significant comorbid conditions include OCD, affective disorder, dissociative or depersonalization disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, and eating disorders.

After reading all this you can understand that even when you have tried so hard to maintain a good relationship with her, you found no success.

Once she starts getting benefit from this therapy, automatically you will see a change in her behavior and it will be easier for you to deal with her.

I would recommend the following book to know more about this disorder from your point of view.

Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide for Professionals and Families

Both of you may also try Couple Therapy in addition to her attending DBT.

Couples Therapy With Borderline Personality Disordered Individuals

I hope it helps.


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