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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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I cant explain my friends behavior. Shes someone I really

Customer Question

I can't explain my friend's behavior. She's someone I really like. And sometimes I get the strong feeling she likes me alot too. I mean, most of the time she wants to be with me, like sitting real close to me, skin to skin. When she comes in, she always walks directly to me. Drinking from the same cup etc, etc. But then she has this other side, where she completely ignores me and it seems like she's avoiding me.(She is also my colleague) She even frequently tells me that she really likes me and that I'm her type. But I'm really confused, because now I'm not sure if she likes me, because of this 'other side'. I really want to be with her, but I'm not sure if it's likewise. Another thing, when she was kind of drunk she told me to f*ck off.(It was at a party)While when sober she constantly wanted to be around me. Was that the real her? You can imagine why I'm confused. Really need some help here.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using JustAnswer.com:

Let's take this one thing at a time.

You work with this woman; she is your colleague. She is giving clues that she likes you: coming right up to you, sitting skin to skin; and even telling you that she likes you, that you are her type.

However, she also ignores you, and when she is drunk she can be really rude. This is definitely confusing behavior on her part.

Please answer these questions so I can get a better idea of what is going on:

Have you ever asked her out for coffee, or lunch?
Have you ever spent time alone with her?
When she ignores you is she sober or drunk?
When she ignores you is she spending time with someone else?
If so, who?
Is your job description the same as hers?
Does she seem to want to impress people at work?
Does she act the same way at work and outside of work?

If you can provide this information I will be delighted to give you my best answer on this most distressing situation.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Have you ever asked her out for coffee, or lunch?
No, I haven't. We work in a sort of diner. kind of like mcdonald's, but much more varied. Btw, she always asks if we could have lunch together. And we do. Outside of work we never see each other.

Have you ever spent time alone with her?
That would be yes, but only during labor.

When she ignores you is she sober or drunk?
Then she's drunk.

When she ignores you is she spending time with someone else?
Yes

If so, who?
Several people

Is your job description the same as hers?
No, I'm the cook, she's behind the cash register.

Does she seem to want to impress people at work?
No, she's actually quite modest. Her parents are workaholics, so they're never at home. I.e. they're fairly wealthy, but she never brags about it. In fact, I never hear her talk about how wealthy they are. She always talks about love and relationships. That she wants to have children in the future and get married. She even asked me several times if I ever wanted to get married and have children in general.

Does she act the same way at work and outside of work?
No, she's still being nice to me outside of work.

I also have some additional information I want to mention.
Sometimes when she's around me, she's blushing. At first I thought she was playing games with me, but you can't fake blushing.

Thanks
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
Hmmmm, sounds like she is definitely interested, but has some conflicts. The blushing is particularly provocative. I think the interest is enough that you might want to try asking to spend some time with her away from work. No need to call it a date. I suggest you ask her to attend something you both enjoy, such as a movie, a concert, a museum, tennis, or some other activity that you know she likes and that you like also. That is an easy and non-threatening way to get to know her better.

It is always better to have a friendship that "catches fire" than try to be with someone based solely on a physical attraction. She obviously likes to spend time with you at work, so now is the time to see if you can expand that time to activities away from work. You sound like you are shy, and she may be shy also, which is where the blushing comes from. When she is drunk, she becomes less inhibited and gives attention to other people--possibly and this is ONLY possibly to get your attention or make you jealous.

The only way to find out is to take the plunge. If you don't call it a date, and keep it to activities of interest to both of you, the relationship at work needn't suffer at all. You will find out very quickly if she considers you a "work buddy" or something more serious. If you are a "work buddy" there is no harm done.

Let me know if you have any questions about any of what I have said.

I wish you well. Good luck.

Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Carol Kryder LMFT and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your answer. This is all starting to make sense. After reading all this it suddenly hit me that she's always been the one showing interest in me. I really feel ashamed of myself now. I've never really asked her questions to show my interest in her.
As a matter of fact, last time she asked me to go see her horse that she just got. I just said, yeah ok. But that's because I'm shy which you said.
I'll let you know the outcome after I've asked her out.
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
Excellent. I would love to know what happens!!!!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Nope, she said she likes me, but nothing more. I'm just her work buddy. But we're still friends.Wink
Thanks for the help anyway.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Nope, she said she likes me, but nothing more. I'm just her work buddy. But we're still friends.Wink
Thanks for the help anyway.


Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 4 years ago.
I am so glad you are still friends. Remember, friendship is often the beginning of something more. Good luck to you.

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