I understand and it is so easy for kids like Royce to take advantage of their "disabilities" ..they are smart and sometimes use it to manipulate. He is dependent on his support systems, he needs them but that does not mean he can take advantage of them. Does he has consequences for overstepping boundaries ? What do you do when he is impulsive and embarasses his brothers? Set some limits and do it calmly and with all involved. Family meetings, a great way to let everyone have their say, with no interruptions, set up rules for all and decide what the consequences will be when rules are ignored or broken, whether it is "accidental" or just a young boy being obstinate. Meetings work like this, everyone sits around the table and each person (using a timer) can say whatever is on their mind, what is good about their week, what is bad about their week, who did
something that made them feel bad, sad
, good ..whatever they want (and you too). Then when the timer goes off (about three minutes) no one says a word and the next person get their turn. When it's over you can ONE AT A TIME ask a question of someone and then together rules are made, charts can be used (usually best way to follow) , and consequences are discussed. Takes work, but raising three boys is a lot of work , I understand how and why your would want to send him away and that may well be the only solution but only after you have exhausted others. Therapy: you need to find a good cognitive behavioral therapist, who specializes in developmental issues and teens. Royce needs to understand that he can have expectations, he probably drifts due to "learned helplessness" something that is very common in the ADD, LD population. Works like this, things are difficult for me, I'll never learn it, get it, understand it etc...so they don't do it. Don't expect success so they drift and it is so much easier to not have expectations, then you can't fail!! He sounds like he could use a good challenge. He needs to see himself in a different light but he also needs to know he can't just fake it and go through life "taking" from everyone. You need to take some time for you. You cannot spend every ounce of energy on the kids, especially Royce. Kids normally can suck every ounce of energy from you add a kid like Royce and boom! So a challenge that would make him see he can succeed, be different and be successful. I know it's easier in theory than it is in reality but take it one step at a time, take it one day at a time. Do not let him use manipulation and confusion and avoidance as excuses, have consequences that are reasonable and follow through. Again, if you need to go therapy to gain some relief do it. If you feel that the family would benefit from family therapy do it. I know it's hard and I wish I had a concrete answer for you but unfortunately some things in life are harder than others. Just make sure you take care of you too.