OK, I think I'm getting the picture. There are 2 main ways that this can go: mental health issues or addiction (or both really, but you can conbine the two at the end).
If it's a mental health issue like Schizophrenia
, he's at the age where people often have their first major break with reality and eventually cease to function. He would start getting wierd, maybe seeing things or hearing things, hording, getting paranoid, isolated, being odd...things like that. He might have one of the lesser variations of that: schizotypal or schizoid personality. I'll give you a link that you can use to read up on those & see if that might be it. You'll land on the Schizophrenia site, and can search for the articles on the other two diseases I've mentioned.Mayo Clinic
While you're on that site, look up Bipolar
, Depression, and Alcoholism.
If he is alcoholic and refuses to get help...go to a counselor, go to AA (free) or to a state s ponsored treatment/detox program, then the family needs some education on how to best help him.
As long as he's allowed to function at such a low level and be taken care of, there won't be any motivation to change. It sounds like he's going through the family members like a cold virus. AlAnon Family Groups is a wellspring of support and guidance for families in this situation. They can show you how to remain sane in the face of his problems, and not go down with the ship.
For you: you're going to have to understand that you can't change him, nor can you change the family members who may be "loving him to death'. It is extremely hard to do this, and there is no reason to go through that alone. Get on 'families of alcoholics' sites and read stories about what is working for others and what isn't. Share your story. There is a vast network of support for this out there, and you'll do well to tap into it.
As long as he's drinking, he'll get progressively worse if he's alcoholic until (if) he gets clean and recovers. If he has mental illness, then treatment by a physician will help him get better and enable him to get back into the game. He's going to need boundaries set for him by you and your family if he can't do it by himself.
Draw the lines and stick to your guns. Don't give him money. He needs help. Make it a condition of him staying. Life may be full of lemons, but not everybody sits there and looks at them. He needs to get started on his lemonade stand.Games Families PlayAlAnon
Get support for yourself, and be kind, yet very firm with him. Setting boundaries around what you will or will not accept may be the nudge he needs.
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