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Hi there ,
Welcome to Just answer !
Well , i feel that you are tremendously hurt due to your failed past relationship/s and you are blaming yourself for the loss , i can understand that you would want to change some things about your approach towards the relationship with others , but , please do not belittle yourself , and tout yourself as someone who is not worthy of a healthy relationship , you like any one else deserve a good and happy relationship , and i am sure that you will be able to get yourself one .
But , as of now you seem to be in depression and low mood ,and are showing suggestive features of depressed person such as self loathing , low self esteem , negative thoughts , irrtabiltiy , loss of hope and confidence and feeling of helplessness and worthlessness, so i suggest that you first get yourself back on track by getting out of your depressive phase , by consulting a psychologist and getting started on psychotherapy ( counseling in lay term ) , and the best type of psychotherapy that you should get started on is Cogntitve behavioural therapy ( CBT ).
This CBT will not only help you to come out of your depression , but will also help you to cope well with the stressful life events , and to have an insight about your behaviour which may need some alteration ,and this therapy shall help you to achieve that .
I hope this helps..
I wish you all the best..
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