Hello again Anna, here is the latestI wrote my BPD wife a letter and gave it to her Dr so she could determine if it was appropiate for my wife to read, the Dr gave it to her and course she blew up, first somethings were correct, then everything was a lie,then she said I am exactly like her fater ect ect. In the mean time she keeps popping by the house, I do not say anything neither does she but she tries to look her best then leaves. Today she stopped by and actually asked me to helpfix her laptop to which I did
, some small chit chat and the she said goodbye Joe. A few minutes later she called and said if I thought it was a good idea if we sold the house to which I said that would be a permanat decision, I metioned the option of a marriage counselor and she said she was tired of being a slut, I asked her what she meant and she said that I have that opinion of her ( I think this has to do with me catching her repeatedly in the lies about boyfriends very often recently) and again saying I do not desire her sexually. I am going to paste the leeter I wrote in the follow up part so you can see if it was ok. At this point I have no clue as to does she want the divorce or not, I know she has seen the divorce packet on my desk as I have been filling it out. Thanks Joe
I am writing you this because it seems the only normal way of communicating with you without all of the yelling that has accompanied our recent conversations. I understand that you are feeling scared, and abandoned. I have never abandoned you, I have just been pushed from you is all. Maybe you cannot see it, or if you do maybe you are powerless to do anything about it. You are also projecting your feelings about yourself on me, such as the other day when you called me evil and a abuser. I do not feel that is true at all. If I was this evil and abusing person why would you let your only son live with me? Ask him how I treat him and how we get along. That perception of people is simply not true.
I know it hurt you when I removed you from the business account, and I did that to protect us. Lately you have been going thru money like it was water. I know you want to do nice things for your daughter, mom, sister, son and also yourself but I cannot risk losing everything nor have my credit ruined. Again I know I hurt you by doing this but I was only trying to protect us.
I am also very hurt and confused with your infidelity and thoughtlessness resulting from it. I know you think it is justified and maybe you do it because you feel that you do not deserve to have a good life. Right now you are going to say the sex and that I am gay and all of your hurtful insults. You have constantly said that all of my relationships have ended in failure due to me and my behavior and that is not true. Janet my first wife and I were married for 12 wonderful years; she became addicted to cocaine and almost wiped us out financially. Our sex life was wonderful no effort. She did not want get help so in the end I divorced her. I dated for a few years after that nothing serious. After a few years I met Joann and we lived together. Again it was a great relationship on a intimate level. With much great sorrow we parted due to the age difference, we both agreed it would be cruel for both of us if we stayed in it long term. I dated for a few years after that and then I met you. I feel in love with you, your are very beautiful and charming. I knew there was something wrong when we were dating because you would let me get close and dump me, and the constant cheating which has lead us to this point as I will explain.
Not everyone is wired or built the same. Some men could care less if their spouse cheats on them. I do, it is the biggest violation of trust in intimacy that hurts the worst and takes a long time to get over. It affects people physiologically, sexually. You do not seem to understand how many times you have done that to me and it pushes me away from you emotionally and intimately. It scares me that maybe you contracted a disease or that maybe you will get pregnant. I have entered this relationship for better or worse Cammie and with commitment, but you never have there has always been others, Shawn, Kent, Rebecca’s married boyfriend who worked for Rep. Brandenburg and many others. Many times people that you thought were your friends or that you had fooled into blaming me for your behavior have had and still have the decency to tell me. Someone of these people knows you extremely well and knows when your BPD is at its worst. I mean out of all of the places to work you pick a place that your ex or current boyfriend frequents.
I also get very confused when you say that there are many good qualities in this marriage worth saving and you are not going to make any rash decisions. But you do to the extreme without thinking about the possible effect it has on me or the future of your marriage. You can choose to make me evil, abusing and controlling, but I am the person who found you a good doctor, makes sure you take your medications, has given you things that no one else has ever provided for you or your children, we have had many good times and memories, maybe you cannot remember them or just remember glimpses of them but they did happen. Look at the things you have, look at the things you and I have written to each other in the cards we have exchanged everything is not bad and sometimes it is not good but that is marriage it is a lifelong experience of learning.
It just seems to me that the only you care about is money and what I can do for you in that aspect. You have a daughter that is capable of working and instead you condone her bad behavior (growing and selling pot) with out setting some boundaries, as in at least having her pay for her cell phone and health insurance which is only $200.00 a month, how is she ever going to learn to take care of herself and be responsible? Did you not notice her bad behavior and the fights she had with Marco when we were on vacation? You even recognized it and acknowledge that Marco will leave her soon. I also remember you telling me that you would never tolerate your mother drinking; instead she gets drunk, very drunk around you, me and everyone else. She believes everything you say and as a result condones your behavior. For example, you have told her I am a bum because I have only done a few service calls the last 2 months even though you know the season starts in September. In the meantime I have paid all of the bills, and you continued to get a check from the business, you have told your mother and other people that you work 3 jobs to support me and Craig while we choose not to work. In reality you cost us money at the 2 jobs you have, the bike store has never paid you anything instead you spend money in there and the real-estate cost us money for your licenses, dry cleaning, ect ect and again no money made. Yes I know the market is bad and my season does not start until September, so please be honest when you say these things, the truth is you are cycling in the bipolar
area extremely rapidly and the manias are getting worse. You went from cycling 1 day a week to almost 4 and further and further until you hurt yourself, of course you blamed that on your high heel shoes and the word of a acupuncture person that you met while cycling no real doctor or specialist opinion. I really do not think she understands what BPD is all about because she encourages you do act the way you have been these last 2 months. I know you will choose to blame me for everything and I know it will make you feel better but only for a little while before you need to do it again. You have raged, projected, tagged me and have disassociated right in front of me for the last 2 months.
These is not a letter to attack you, I am just trying to shed some light on what has been going on. If you want to try and salvage this marriage, one of my boundaries is going to be honesty, I am sorry but if I can have that from you then there really is no point. I will also continue to pay the house and the bills related here with it but I do expect you to at least pay fro your truck payment and the related insurance that goes with it. I think that is fair compared to the bills I pay here. This way the house and the utilities will not fall in the rears. I again apologize if this letter hurts you, I love you very much and I just want you to get better.
&nb sp; I love you,