HiCustomer I can see you are very concerned about your mother and are excellent in your confrontation of her, which will help her to realize there is a problem.
It sounds as if your Mom is using alcohol to deal with problems she has not resolved. Many, many people who have sexual abuse history turn to alcohol or drugs, some studies say as high as 80%. So, your Mom is not alone.
What you are describing as memory loss sounds like a blackout, which occurs through the progression of alcohol dependence. Most blackouts are indicative that there is a drinkning problem. People with alcohol problems drink to change the way they feel. If her feelings are sad
and depressed, thus the crying, she is drinkning to change them. What most don't understand is this creates even more negative feelings and becomes a cycle. You don't like the way you feel so you drink, then the drinkning makes you feel bad, creating more negative feelings, and you drink again to change these. Unfortunately the cycle continues until the drinknig stops and the feelings are resolved. It is difficult for most people to manage these feelings without using a mood altering substance because they don't know how.
It is a bit like the chicken and the egg for most. The feelings are negative such as with sexual abuse and the drinking temporarily changes them. Drinkning only postpones the feelings. And it is difficult to see which came first.
Someone using alcohol will need to stop drinkning before handling the feelings. If she attempts to resolve issues while still drinkning it will not work.
Karely, Your Mom could go to some Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and listen. It may help her to realize she is not alone, and does need help with her drinking. Here is the wesite: http://www.aa.org
. They will have schedules for meetings. You can go with her as long as there it is an open meeting.
She also needs to work on resolving the core issue of shame, the sexual abuse. If not, she may drink again, or will never reap the full benefits from being clean and sober.
Help her find a counselor who specializes in sexual abuse. Therapist who does more than just talk about the issue but assists her in working through the issues. With this problem, a multitude exists in many areas of life, but all can be resolved. Encourage her to continue counseling even when it gets tough, and it will. It does get better on the other side. Secrets keep us sick so encourage her to talk when she wants, and provide a nonjudgemental ear.
Customer you are a very good daughter. Encoiurage your mother to seek help. She has many good years of life ahead if she will resolve these issues. Hope this helps. Gina