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Ask Carol Kryder LMFT Your Own Question
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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Negative child, age 10, male. I have tried to help him change

Resolved Question:

Negative child, age 10, male. I have tried to help him change his mind set. He believes he has no friends, yet when I pick him up/drop him off at school he has lots of friends that say hi and bye. Teachers say he has friends and is pleasant to be around Focuses on the negative rather than the positive. At supper time, mom, dad, brother and he all say one good thing that happened that day. When he complains I ask for details rather than accepting the generalizations used such as "everyone is mean". I am at my wits end. I try to be patient and focus on talking it out and finding the positives. I have told him when thinking happy thoughts and good things, then good things happen. Focus on the good in life. I have also told him that if something does not go the "right" way that only he can control whether to accept it and move on or choose to let it ruin his day. It is his choice. What else is there? Do I need to have him see someone professional?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 7 years ago.
Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer.com:

You have certainly turned over every stone you could find to help this child change his attitude. Being so negative is unusual for a child his age.

Will you please answer some questions for me?

1/ Does anyone in the family drink alcohol or use drugs?

2/ Has there been any physical or sexual abuse?

3/ Has there been trauma? i.e. divorce or death of a close relative or friend.

4/ Has he experienced any losses -- friends, pets, a major geographic move?

5/ How long has this behavior gone on?

6/ Do you remember what was happening in the family when it started?

If you can give me the answers to these questions, I would be delighted to assist you in helping your child.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
/ Does anyone in the family drink alcohol or use drugs? social drinking

2/ Has there been any physical or sexual abuse? He just told me after discussions after I emailed you some kids in school in the bathroom hit him on the privates in the bathroom in 1st grade. He was clothed, but he appears to be embarrassed. He has referred in the past that he feels like a punching bag. This may be the root of it?

3/ Has there been trauma? i.e. divorce or death of a close relative or friend. Grandma died in May. He has been negative prior to this event. However, I know when he feeling sad about Grandpa, he has a different sadness mood.

4/ Has he experienced any losses -- friends, pets, a major geographic move? no

5/ How long has this behavior gone on? since school age - so going on 5 years

6/ Do you remember what was happening in the family when it started? started when he started school
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 7 years ago.
Thanks for the answers. It appears to me that your child is being bullied and teased by children at school. His negative attitude started when he started school and now he has admitted that some children assaulted him and touched him sexually.

Yes, I would take him to a child therapy specialist to find out what has happened and what else is going on. He may be exceptionally sensitive and have never really gotten over the assault in first grade, or it may be continuing.

This is not something you should try to address on your own. Please take him to a specialist and find out why he is so unhappy. I am quite sure that the situation can be remedied and he will once again return to his happy self.

Please call for an appointment soon. I wish you and your family well.
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