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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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I have been in long term relationship with my partner - he

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I have been in long term relationship with my partner - he has been impotent since 2005 and doesn't seem to want to deal with it. After so long I am unsure whether he finds me attractive and is just with me because it is comfortable. We have been engaged for some time and when I ask him when we are getting married he just says "next tuesday" and doesn't seem to want to commit. I am wondering whether because I was abused by my elder brother when I was younger whether this "turns him off" and I was recently diagnosed with MS which is very mild at the moment and I also wonder whether he sees me as "less" and doesn't want to commit. I really don't know what to do
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.

Hey Maxi,

These are the things that go through my mind when I think about your post:

Its one thing to imppotent, but another to make that the reason for a lack of sexual intimacy between loving partners. Where there's a will, there is most certainly a way - especially when it comes to sex.
Is your relationship with your partner physically sensual or sexual at all? If not, this is not the norm and would reflect the choices that have become normal between you two. Is this a choice that you want to accept as part of your marriage?

Women who are victims of incest often have disconnections with intimacy and sex, and certainly self esteem. This could be playing a part into your relationship and make you feel inferior.

If you're unhappy before the marriage, it won't get better after. Marriage itself isn't a cure for an unsatisfying relationship. You deserve a full, loving and intimate partnership with a man who loves you for who you are and wants to be your life partner and best friend.

I recommend some counseling for you to help you sort out what you really want in your relationship and what you're willing to commit to. You can explore the effect of your abuse and make sure it isn't showing up in this current partnership. You're worth it!
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