1. I have crashed car windows and used vulgar language that I refuse to be associated with when in normal mode. Cannot let go of making phonecalls that stalk the boyfriend ,even though afterwards that makes me feel easy and worthless. When in the normal state my mind can agree to accepting these wrong doings are hilarious and embarassing (can't face up to them but) but always feel a need to meet and resolve things and hope that I can settle matter never dies, i.e heart wont accept what mind is reasoning, therefore heart overpowers mind, totally no control. If not in a position to do something violent, will be left low, resented and empty.
2. Never been diagnosed with psychiatric disorder, but have family members from both mother and fathers' side with symptoms and fear that it could be genetic.