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Cher
Cher, Relationship Enthusiast
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 21213
Experience:  Extensive experience as Educator/Teacher, M.A., Counselor, Spouse, Parent, Psychic Advisor
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I have a forty year old daughter and her mental statis and

Customer Question

I have a forty year old daughter and her mental statis and depresion really has me scared lately, she is in her second marriage, she has had seven wonderful childrens, all in highschool this year except the 4yr old beautiful. A deadbeat Dad, he's always complaining about never having anything in life, comes home from work and drops on the couch on top of a pile of clothes that needs to be folded, never attemps to help. I've seen him looking like he's used up his last ounce of energy, my daughter and he have been together for 10yrs, married for 5yrs, my 18yr old grand daughter left home cause of the screeming arquements, mostly from my son in-law told to me by my 4yr old grandbaby, she shows me that she puts her hands over her ears and stays in the back bedroom with her older sister, its gotten so bad, I can only help as much as my daughter allows me. I'm scared for her sanity, no one in that household does a thing on their own without being told to pitch in, I'm very concerned for her.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hi,Customer

It does sound like your daughter is in a difficult and frustrating situation, which is taking an emotional and physical toll on her and her children. If her husband doesn't help out at all, at home, your daughter and he have to come to a new understanding regarding responsibilities for the house and the children. She might make a 'schedule' on a board, which can hang on the kitchen wall, assigning household chores to everyone, and giving gold stars and/or other 'rewards' to those (children) who keep to their schedule, including her husband. Even the little 4 year old can have a chore or two assigned to her, which is age appropriate, like 'help make salad', and she can tear the lettuce.

The moral support and financial help you're giving your daughter is wonderful, but because things seem to be deteriorating, it would be a good idea for her and her husband to see a marriage counselor to help them conquer the most important problems in their marriage which are also adversely affecting the children. It's a shame that your young, beautiful 4 year old grand-baby has to cover her ears and be upset by all the fighting.

Have your daughter call a few licensed marriage counselors in her area, find one she likes, and make an appointment to get started on the road to repairing her marriage. She might want to see the counselor herself, first, to lay out all the problems, and then her husband can go to the second session and he can express his concerns, as well. I think once she starts to sees a 'light at the end of the tunnel', she'll start feeling better about her situation.

I hope things will improve for her and her family, very soon.

Cher
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi, everytime my son in-law leaves about every year and moves in with a buddy, he himself request marriage conseling, then stops going cause the conselors refer him to see a sycologist, due to his back ground, his Dad left and his Mom died shortly after when he was 8yrs old and his 2 brothers and a sister were all sent to foster care and I met his foster parents he grew up with, they seemed exceptionaly very loving and caring. My daughter just inform him that they will remain friends but has filled for a divorce, thankyou so much.
Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.

Hello again, and you're most welcome; thanks for your reply with additional information.

If you've met your son in law's foster parents and they seem exceptionally loving and caring, he is very lucky, and although his early life was sad, with losing his mother at such an early age, and not having known his dad for very long, being raised by such good people should have had a positive influence on him.

If the marriage counselors recommended seeing a psychologist if he has psychological issues regarding his early life, etc., he should have followed their advice. However, I think your daughter's actions were very necessary, and I hope after the divorce, things will go better for her. He was causing her too much mental anguish and as we discussed, their constant fighting was very disturbing for the children.

I wish your daughter and her children much good luck in the future, and you are a wonderful mother to help your daughter as much as you have and will continue to do so!

Cher

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Expert:  Cher replied 7 years ago.
Hello again,

Do you have any additional questions with which I can be of assistance?

Cher

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