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Ralph LMHC
Ralph LMHC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  20+ years as therapist, supervisor, clinic director at mental health, substance abuse treatment ctrs
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My friend is amost 37 but she seems like 25,its not just about

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My friend is amost 37 but she seems like 25,it's not just about the look,most of the times she still behaves like a teenager..especially in love.She has never had a serious relationship,and has always been attractred by those guys who say they can give you the world from the first moment they meet you and just as quickly they disappear.it's been a year now she has lost faith in herself,and doesnt even look or talk to guys anymore.but through work she met a man, she leaves in london while this man works for the same company but in the branch in spain.they're sending emails and texts at work every 15, 20minutes.as i expected the conversations are so unreal that I feel like shaking her and aske her to wake up.He says that he's dreaming abut her every night...she's falling for it,he asked her to go to meet him in spain,shes definately going but doesnt realise this could be dangerous and prefer to think it's all perfect,i tried to offer some safe solutions but she's not really listening..
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 5 years ago.

Hello:

 

It sounds like you have good judhement and have a deep commendable feeling for your friend she is not going to hear you. What besides some suggestions do you require, You kind of described the situation quite well, but did not ask a question

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

 

I spoke to her, as she has friends in spain I told her to go to a city where she knows someone so that it will be more safe to meet this guy when someone you know is around there. She said that of course she is going to meet him in a public place but doesnt want to understand what could happen and she's not been willing until now to negotiate where to meet with him. She hasnt got the strenght to say "hey hold on, why dont you come over here first or let'me meet here at this place" as she is scared this man would say no. It's much safer for her to just do what he says without buts so that everything is going to happen if you know what i mean. This is so wrong in so many ways, she is so naive and rather not thing about bad things and just go for it, she thinks if something bad has to hapen will happen anyway and that she will be careful.

Her family is the example of how unsure and in need of attention she is, always had a very cold relation ship with her dad and brother. She loves her mum but she suffer from depression and hasnt been well in years. They all leave in italy, where she comes from, but she has been leaving in london for 8 years, I believe also to escape from the problems and sad moments she has had in the past, but here she hasnt got stronger al though she is been by herself all this time. Inside there is still that little girl in need of attention and I am worried someone out there is just looking for such an easy target unfortunately too easy to manipulate.

What should i tell to make her understand that she has to be careful, that not everyone is as nice and good as she is?? bad experiences can happen!

Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 5 years ago.

You have a good perception of the danger and means to mitigate it for her, You are asking her to change her whole psychological make up over night and unfortunately, it is not going to happen. I think that you as a good friend need reassurance that you have done all you could and you have. You might say look I am worried and want you to follow through on what you plan for me, so I won' worry. Email me your itinerary and confirm each step. Candidly, I would not encourage infantaliziong her and reinforcing her dependency upon you were it not for the significant danger potential. aif you found this information please press the green button so I know the info has been useful and so I can be compensated. Also, feedback is always welcome.

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

ok next time she is worried because he hasnt texted her for a day and she's paranoid what could i tell her, a phrase of big effect that can make her think about how she depends on someone who she doesnt even know. just because i am really loosing my pacience now..

Expert:  Ralph LMHC replied 5 years ago.

Look how upset you have gotten for some one you hardly know . Relatiionships are like investments - you don't put sll your money in at first. You put a little in and if it pays you ionvest more that might help her to see the big picture, ut I doubt it.

 

Sincerely,

Ralph LMHC

Ralph LMHC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: 20+ years as therapist, supervisor, clinic director at mental health, substance abuse treatment ctrs
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