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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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I have been widowed for 2 years as of March 27th. I have 3

Resolved Question:

I have been widowed for 2 years as of March 27th. I have 3 young children ages 4, 5 and 8. I have had 2 long distance relationships since then. The last one actually flew to my state and took me out on a date. We had been conversing since May (every day all day long). It is so much easier to talk to these men over the phone...but when they are in front of me....I can't open up to them fully.   I can barely talk....   And...I have no interest in finding someone close by.    What is wrong with me?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 7 years ago.

 

 

Good Evening,

 

It is possible that you are afraid of commitment and opening up yourself due to your vulnerability.

You are right. It is easier to talk over the phone or communicate via the Internet. That gives us a false sense of security (the other person is far from us in distance and then far from our heart)

It is not uncommon to have a sense of self protection when we have felt let down in the past, had felt betrayed or just plain disappointed when things did not work out.

Perhaps at some point you may revisit the idea of connecting with others on a more local lever and having some face to face dates and seeing how things go from there.

Don't rush into things. Your psyche knows when the right time it would be for this. At that point you would feel that things are falling into place. Until then, try not to be too critical of yourself.

Dr. Rossi and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

I am an RN and I work 3 12 hour night shifts a week. I have little help for the kids. I hate bars and I fear bringing some maniac in my life that might hurt me or my kids. I have been using catholic match.com and the guys that answered me that interested me were from Michigan and Wisconsin. My children...especially my eldest boy cries at times....especially after an event that he sees boys and dads together...and he tells me he wants to find a dad. When I have someone interested and they find out they get so excited....and when the 2 relationships I had (this past one recently) they fall apart

I feel like ....If I cant get over this self protection thing soon...I will let them down because truely I believe my chances of remarrying are slim

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Evening,

 

Bars would be the last choice to look for dates. I would caution that people who travel via state lines to come and see you can potentially present with the same problem you are fearing in those met face to face.

 

Have you tried singles dating that is offered through local churches in your area?

 

Children are hypersensitive when they see a kid with their dad and it is natural to feel that way. Just do not blame yourself, you are doing what you think is best and healing always takes time. You may want to find a counselor that can help you get over this and only then when you feel ready go after what you're looking for. When you feel wounded, insecure, undecided or fearful, others can sense that.

 

Don't sell yourself short by telling yourself negative things or believing that your chances are slim. We can be our worst enemies yet, we all deserve happiness in this fast paced life.

Dr. Rossi and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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