I've got good news for you. This cluster of symptoms is common and treatable.
Depression and ADD play off each other in a negative way and often leave a person without the ability to sustain relationships. (Sometimes this shows up more at your age, when relationships stop being easily made by association with a school or early job.)
What happens is the long running low-grade depression that you've experienced for the past 14 years(called dysthymia
), causes a person to pull more into themselves. I call this Conservation Withdrawl--you don't have enough energy to pay attention to anything "extra" because normal daily functions are barely getting done. A wall of cloud starts to form around you and you can feel numb and cut off from people.
Then the ADD compounds it, because if you have subtle ADD, it's hard to pay attention long enough to work on a solution...every time you get a little energy to get help or make some change, or to reach out to people and find out more about them, you can't really FEEL it - there's little reward for all that effort. Then, POP...your thoughts have already drifted and you're on to something else. This is a negative feedback loop that over time really does cut people off from the world.
Both combine to make for poor decision making, and impulsive actions: jumping to a conclusion or into an activity without really being able to think about it.
None of this is your fault. You're not lazy or stupid, but I've bet you've felt like that a time or two. It's not about "try harder", its about trying something different.
I recommend you go see your doctor or a psychiatrist and be evaluated for medication for ADD and Depression. There are a few meds that will treat both at the same time. Raising your seratonin level will help both issues very quickly and with little side effects. There are plenty of treatment options for you. Keep working at finding what works for you - you can start to feel again and feel a valuable part of your world very soon.
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