Hello Bushan - I remember your earlier question on this theme.
It looks to me as if you have some deep seated insecurities about your place in the scheme of things and around your own abilities. From the way you worded your question, you come across as an estremely intelligent - and educated - person, and it is very often people just like yourself who have these problems.
Let's have a look at these issues one by one.
!. When you do well, you become proud and uncooperative. First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with being proud of a job well done. You worked hard, you succeeded, and you deserve the reward of feeling good about yourself. On the other hand, it does you no good whatsoever to become unco-operative. All that is happening here, I suspect, that you are saying to those around you "Look - there you are - I proved I could do it, so there!" The good news is that you are clearly aware of this problem, so in a sense, you are half way to solving it. Just stay focused on what you say you want - to care less about appearances. So if you find yourself indulging inthis old behaviour STOP AND THINK. Is this getting me what I want. If so, change what you are doing.
There is an old saying that goes "If you always do what you always did
, you'll always get what you always got" - ponder on this for a moment
2. Aspects 2 There's nothing amiss about comparing yourself with others - as long as you are aware that there will be people who are actually smarter, better looking, better liked or more successful than you. The problem comes along when you start to feel really negative about yourself when you make those comparisions. Instead of doing that, why not turn the situation around, and use it as tool to help yourself. Ask yourself - what is it about this person that makes them so smart/successful/popular and so on?
What can I learn from them and use to my benefit?
3. Aspects 3 and 5 are closely related. Every organisation needs authority figures, otherwise it won't succeed. Try to remember that these people are just there to do a job, and yes, maybe check up on what YOU are doing. They have earned that right.
Of course, they have no more authority over you than that which you choose to give them, in the sense that you can do what you like or say what you like, PROVIDED that you are prepared to accept the consequences.
Resentment of authority and feeling entitled to respect often go hand in hand, in someone who is unsure of themselves and their place in the world, and I believe you need to take along look at this - with professional help. I suspect that some face to face counselling would help you tremendously, so why not look around for a counsellor or psychotherapist you can trust.
Aspect 4 - You lose your social skills because you are doing an instant comparison, and judging yourself to be a 'lesser' person than they are. Intelligence and success are no indicators of the real value of a person at all, altough we seem to be taught that they are.
There are lots of intelligent and successful people out there who are mean spirited, rude, untruthful or whatever. The real worth of a person (In my book) are his values, his dignity and the way he treats those around them. These are the real marks of success - so cultivate them, and remember what I said about comparisons earlier - if you MUST make them, use them to your advantage.
Aspect 5. Nobody said that our working life should be fair - sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. Don't you think that is just the way the world is? If you are going to be successful (however you measure it), you need to maintain your health and energy to deal with the tasks given to you. Sure, you can go ahead, burn yourself out - and people will just "Pity about Bushan - nice guy, wasn't he" and pass on. You owe it to yourself to rein the urge to go into overdrive - it is actually a shortcut to failure.
Aspect 7 - A lot of your life view really is about appearances, isn't it? What will my boss think? Will these new acquaintances think I'm stupid? What if I don't get this right?
Natural concerns, really, but try to keep them in perspective. In the end of the day, the world keeps turning, and what people thing is of no great consequence.
Bushan - I'd like you to have a look at the following - it is a "Bill of Rights" written by an excellent American therapist called Virginia Satir, and it applies to every one of us. Use it as a tool, and you'll soon notice changes taking place. Also, please get some professional counselling - it would be time and money well invested!
Now here is the Bill of Rights
The Bill of Riqhts.
This Bill of Rights was one of the tools used by Virginia Satir, a well-known family therapist. Containing some really basic psychological rights belonging to every person, it really helps to identify and deal with areas in which we have problems.
Read the statements. Note down any immediate thoughts or feelings that come to you and discuss with your therapist.
Look at yourself in a mirror and read it out loud to yourself. Listen to your voice grow in strength and volume so that you can really start to feel it inside. In the beginning, you may feel silly or embarrassed. You may hear the inner voice say, "That's not the truth". Just hang in there and keep doing it - you'll notice the change within six weeks, if you do it regularly.
1. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I
do, say, think or feel.
2. It is O. K. for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways.
3. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decisions.
4. I have the right to say "I don't understand" without feeling stupid or guilty.
5. I have the right to say NO.
6. I have the right to say No without feeling guilty.
7. I do not have to apologise or give reasons when I say NO.
8. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me.
9. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning, or treating me unfairly.
10. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty.
11. I have a right to tell others when their behaviour annoys me.
12. I do not have to compromise my personal integrity.
13. I have a right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. I have a right to be wrong.
14. I do not have to be liked, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.
I hope this has helped, and best regards,