No judgements coming from me. How I saw the note...I don't get a notice when someone writes at the end of an accepted answer, or some other combination of events (which I wish I knew, because after I found your last note, I looked at other client's threads and found more notes I hadn't responded to). I didn't know if it was on a new thread, and old one, or an add
-on, so I clicked on your name and got a list of your questions. I suspect that only the experts can do this. I didn't want to intrude on his accepted answer (professional courtesy), so I found an old thread and wrote the note to you. People outside of Mental Health wouldn't go through your notes, and I wouldn't have if I weren't looking for your contact info.
So, I feel pretty sure your story is safe and private within the MH zone, and we, as licensed professionals, are bound to a higher level of confidentiality and sensitivity than others. Although I don't want to give you the impression this site is confidential...but it is private and the experts are very sensitive to that issue.
Breaking shame bonds with relatives is a very physical & emotional experience, but remember: you were trained to feel their shame so that they didn't have to. It's a learned response and will be unlearned as you continue to recover. I'm sure your mom was the enabler, and he was probably hers. Your home was a hotbed of psychopathology to say the least.
You can talk to me about anything. Just start a new thread reqesting me (I don't know what that option looks like on your side) or put my name in the first few words of the question...."For Anna...." and people won't open it and read it. This is a for profit site, so they'll only let a thread go back and forth so many times without the Question/Answer format getting tapped. I'm newer here, so I'm not sure how all that works.
Take care, Annie, and please don't feel ashamed for anyone else's behavior.