How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Anna Your Own Question

Anna
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Anna is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am a divorced mother of 2 boys 7 & 9. We have Joint Custody

Resolved Question:

I am a divorced mother of 2 boys 7 & 9. We have Joint Custody and their is nothing positive about it. The Father pushed for it because he thought it meant no Child Support. We live in Michigan. Currently, my ex lives in a camper in Illinois or Missouri. 9 hours away. He wants to transfer the boys back and forth every 2 weeks over the summer. He works a minimum of 6 days per week. Then they would have to spend 2 days driving. Our Family Court Judge is considering this. My ex has left my boys full time with an 11 yr old to babysit. He has left them with his sisiter who lost custody of her boys due to child abuse and neglect. He has left them with these teen boys one of which is bi-polar, violent and accused of sexually abusing his younger cousins. He has asked my boys for a blow job. His main caregiver if his parents who have Custody of these troubled teens but who the State of Michigan has found to be neglectful caregivers. The dead beat dads rights come first not the chil
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 5 years ago.
Wow! What a horrible nightmare.....but can you clear up a couple things?

Did you report the blow job request to child protective services? How long ago did that occur, and are you willing to report it now if you didn't then? (Remember...it's their job to investigate, not yours)

Who would be drinving the 9 hours every two weeks?

The family judge is considering this...is there a current case that is open? Did he sue for this visitation?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

The Court assigned a Parenting Time Coordinator who I contacted. She said the blow job incident was normal behaviour for a teenage boy and that my ex-inlaws would keep a closer eye on him in the future. The school creported my ex to CPS on a seperate issue and I informed him of this incident. He said he looled into the teens background and that he was accused of sexually abusing others. This was in a report that I shared with the Parent Coordinator and the Court. My boys are not supposed to be at the house anymore per a Court order but their dad does not always follow this.

 

The driving would be done by the dad. When I suggested to my ex's Atty that he come home for visits he said that he could not because he works weekends. What is the point to make my boys travel so far away from friends and family just to sit in a strange daycare 6-7 days a week?

 

Our Parenting Coord said this arrangement is not in the best interest of the boys in May. Russ said he will do it anyways infringing on my Parenting Time. I paid for summer daycare in May. I cannot change it now. I have to pay daycare on his weeks as well since he has been gone and then try to get him to reimburse me. I filed a Motion to prevent him from taking the boys. The law says he cannot take them over 100 miles away. I was awarded sole custody while he is away but the Judge is open to hear a plan from my ex. My ex filed a Motion yesterday to enfoce this visitation schedule. How do you have Joint Custody when one parent lives in another State? As it is he lives 50 minutes away from the boys school in Michigan,. There is nothing Joint about this arrangement.I have FULL responsibility financial and otherwise.

Expert:  Anna replied 5 years ago.
Again, this is a horrible situation for a mother. I can completely understand your anger at the system not protecting your children. How these kinds of abuses can be tolerated is beyond me, but I see the results of it in my counseling practice all the time.

It sounds like you're well into the legal system and that monolith has a speed all it's own. You can only do what you're doing now and keep pressing the issue. Don't for a minute let your guard down. Gather as much evidence as you can and keep documenting. When staff changes at the courthouse, you can lose information, so always keep your own copy of everything.

Get support for yourself. Read some of the blogs on this site:
http://www.thewordslinger.org/your_tribe/
You'll hear women like yourself deal with these same issues. Abusive men will use their children to get control, and control is the name of the game here. What is happening to you is abuse.

Talk and vent and share with people. Don't hold his shame for him. Make the best life that you can with your kids, knowing that this time in their lives will not be totally dominated by him. They're with you right now_keep making that count without letting him wear you down.

You're not crazy, and you're not making this stuff up. Men do this all the time to women and yes, they often get away with it. Fight the good fight for your kids and don't give up. It sounds like you've done so much already. You're doing the right thing...just keep it up!

I admire your courage.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What is your professional opinion about what is BEST for the children? Home with mom in daycare 9-3 M-F or Full time daycare M-Sat 9 hrs away in a city that is one of the highest crime rates living in a camper??? I have offered flexibility for my ex to visit the boys.
Expert:  Anna replied 5 years ago.
My professional option is limited in that I'm only hearing your side of the story and I don't have all the facts, but yes, it is best for them to be in their normal routine. I would continue to offer him the option to come and visit with them at your location. I also wouldn't be working really hard on comprimising...let him do that. I wouldn't SOUND obstinant, but I'd be smiling and not moving from my position unless court ordered. He doesn't need to know what you're up to. Talk to your visitation coordinator and keep letting her know of your concerns and willingness to let the kids see him withing the limits of the current order only.

I hope this helps you.
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
Anna and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions