How incredibly sad. This is something that you'll never forget, but you can at least stop re-living it with grief counseling and treatment for your Post Traumatic Stress
Support from others who have been in your shoes makes a world of difference. Compassionate Friends is a group organized to help others work through the special grief associated with the death of a child. Here is their website link:
Another treatment modality is EMDR for the PTSD, which is used to change the brain passageways that can become entrenched by trauma. This will explain it:
You probably already know this, but just in case, here is some info on what grief counseling actually is. The term can get thrown around alot, especially when others become uncomfortable with the topic.
All the information aside, you're hurting and you deserve support and relief. The shock of the sudden death and the memory of your CPR attempt are haunting you and robbing you of the life you still have. I promise that you can work through this, but it's difficult. Sometimes the hardest part is to let go of the grief because it can feel disloyal, and then the child is really really gone. It's so sad.
The death of a child is so incredibly painful that there is not a word in any language that names a parent with a child who died. Not a widow or widower. We can't even put a name on it other than "the bereaved"
I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that you can retain the precious memories of your nephew while still living the life that you have to the fullest.
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