I don't see any other questions posted from you... I am so sorry, but could you repost it and we can discuss it?
Again, I am so sorry.
Have you considered that you may have depression?
And, that depression is curable with medication?
One of our Moderators, Lindie, posted some information for you. Nobody wants to see you harm yourself. Please consider that the only time anyone ever becomes suicidal is when they have depression - it's a brain chemical issue and can be easily cured with medication.
Don't give up. Your life can get better no matter how bad it is now...
Now, let me ask you - is it that you want to die? Or, do you just want the pain to stop?