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Nancy
Nancy, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 746
Experience:  ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years
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i am a 26 year old and I am about ready to lose it. I am having

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i am a 26 year old and I am about ready to lose it. I am having a hard life and I sometimes wish I were dead. I have 2 degrees, I am a certified firefighter/paramedic and I work for a corrupt small fire department and I am on part time status there. I am trying to leave because that department is evil and when I go to work there I get depressed. Its not the career, its the enviroment and I am applying to different places and I get nothng. I am scared that I might do something such as kill myself because I have a deadline to meet. I am not young anymore and I need to start my career asap. I don't want to kill myself or do something sinful but something tells me that I have to. Because of all this madness, I may possible have high blood pressure. Its not the supplements that I take to work out and its not the caffinee, its my anger and hatred that I have inside.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

Hi,

 

I have worked in an evil place too, so I know how bad it can be and how badly it can wreck your life... I am so sorry you're going through this.

 

You sound very, very stressed. And you're right, stress can lead to High Blood Pressure - depression, stroke, heart disease and so on....

 

Long term stress, over things like an evil work environment, can lead to a long term, low grade depression called dysthymia. Some of the things you mention warrant me telling you about this -- Dysthymia is characterized by anger, feelings of hopelessness (like, things will never get better), not having as much energy as you used to, thoughts of suicide, helplessness (like, you can't make things better, not matter what you do).

 

Is that a possibility?

 

If not, and you just feel overstressed how about talking to someone about all of this - if nothing else, than just to have someone commiserate over how bad the job is.

 

You don't need any long term deep therapy - just some really supportive light counseling - just someone who HAS TO keep your information private, and someone to bounce things off.

 

Keep looking for jobs and try to get out of there... Florida is a hige State and the US is a HUGE place. You can always just get out and go back later.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Dear XXXXX, I read your email and I feel that the answer you gave me was not very helpful. Its my fault because not only I am a stubborn person but I only gave you only a small portion of my entire problem. I have been stressed out in the past and I was able to deal with it before. This time around its far worse than anything that I can imagine. I went to school to pursue a career in EMS. I obtained two degrees ( nothing like yours), I did the fire academy at the college and I went to EMT and paramedic school. I also am planning to do nursing as well. I live at home with my parents and I was brought up well and I get help from my family both finicially and emotionally. I feel that my parents gave up on me emotionally and I don't want to discuss my issues with my friends. I feel that by me expressing my problems or issues, it will be a burden to them and I don't want to be selfish. I am 26 years old and I have no career. I am a supervisor for a political research company and I am a part time firefighter ( this is the evil fire department that i mentioned to you). Not only I don't have a career, I don't have a girl friend. I am not in a relationship and knowing that does not help me at all. I am not a bad looking guy, I work out and live a healthy lifestyle. But anyways, I am not happy because I don't have my career started and I always thought when I was younger that I would be working in my career already and this life that I am living was never ment to be and since this life was never ment to be I don't know how to live it. This is not what I planned and I don't know what to do. I feel that my health is declining because my blood pressure is 130/90 and as a paramedic, I know that is not a healthy blood pressure for my age and before it was at least 120/80 and even lower. I work out on a daily basis and I am losing interest in that too but I am trying. I am very "Gun Ho" about the gym and that is slowly declining. I am doing my very best to get out of the corrupt fire department and going somewhere which is better and give me "FULL TIME" and not this garabage that has been given to me. I am not a patient person and I am almost sure that I will never be a patient person no matter what happens. I am thinking of giving up and joining the coast guard to escape from all of this but then I am not sure if thats the right thing to do. I am not sure if I should end my life. I don't care about anything anymore due to two reasons. First its the idea that I have no career and girl friend and the other reason is a video on youtube called "zeightgest." I am not sure if you have an open mind on what the government does but if you see the video I think you would understand me better. I am scared that the older I get the worse . The worse thing about this is that the older I get, the earlier I have to reitre. If I get hired with another department this year, I have to retire at age 46 ( Most departments allow you to retire after 25), I can't do 25 years, I can only do 20 because part of my life was taken from me and I can never get it back. For that I have to retire early and I have to become a nurse and make investments before its too late. As you can see, I am stressed beyond stressed and I feel that there is no hope for me what so ever. I am not a bad person, I made mistakes in my life, who do I have to endure this misery. I did not ask for this. So DR please help me before I lose it anymore.
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

Hi,

 

I am really glad you wrote back.

 

I completely understand where you are coming from - and again, would like to suggest seeing a mental health professional - I think you may have a form of depression called dysthymia and I want you to make an appointment with a Psychiatrist for an evaluation for that.

 

Let's just take this one step at a time... okay?

 

First, can you make an appointment with a Psychiatrist?

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
dear XXXXX I won't be able to make an appointment because I don't have the time or money to do so. I don't want this in by medical record and I am willing to talk to someone online like your self and I'll pay. What is dysthmia? How do I treat this form of depression?
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.
Like I said earlier -

 

Long term stress, over things like an evil work environment, can lead to a long term, low grade depression called dysthymia. Some of the things you mention warrant me telling you about this -- Dysthymia is characterized by anger, feelings of hopelessness (like, things will never get better), not having as much energy as you used to, thoughts of suicide, helplessness (like, you can't make things better, not matter what you do).

 

You have to treat this with medication which you have to get from a psychiatrist.

 

It's all certainly up to you - if you decide to do this or not, but the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that if you do nothing different - nothing will change.

 

Lack of time or lack of money are excuses - if you want to feel better you have to do what it takes. JustAnswer is not the forum to make you better - it's a question and answer site. You are asking a 20+ year professional for advice and I am telling you that you need to see a Psychiatrist.

 

Nancy :-)

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Dear XXXXX

I understand that u suggest to me that I need to see a professional but the thing is that I have spoken t professionals before and it does not work. I am
Trying to find another way, something different. As the days to by it gets worse and worse and
I have nothing left but the use of the internet. I am dying inside and I don't wanna die over this. Please understand that I don't have the time, money, or patience. I want your help in finding another way. I am going to try to work out now. Please write back
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.
Have you taken antidepressants before?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I took paxil 4 years ago. My doctor prescribed them to me back then. It never worked. So I gave up on it.
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

How much paxil were you on? And how long did you take it?

 

Nancy

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I took it for a couple of months and I was taking one pill a day. I don't remember how many milligrams nor exactly how long I took it.
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

Since Paxil, we have developed new medications. You might do better on one of the newer meds - you may feel better.

 

Without seeing you in person, I can only go by what you've told me - and based upon what you've told me - your thoughts and feelings warrant an evaluation by a psychiatrist. I think you have Depression and you'd do best seeing a pscyhiatrist for an evaluation.

 

Nancy :-)

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Can you evaluate me?
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

I wish I could! But I live in Colorado - and in order for me to evaluate you, we'd need to meet in person so you can consent to treatment.

 

ANY Board Certified Psychiatrist is going to be good - they train specifically in this area and know thei stuff if they pass all the exams. Look under the heading of "Physician" in the Yellow Pages - then all types of doctors are listed alphabetically - so then find "P" for Psychiatrist.

 

Feel free to come back and email me (using this thread of conversation) to ask any questions about theperson you find.... I can help you with that :-)

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Dear XXXXX

I decided to look on the internet to find something that can fight this depression that I am having. I found a supplement called PROTAZEN. It is a natural supplement that helps promote mental wellness. I read the ingredients and it looks like some good stuff. I am not a big fan of antidepressants. I decided that I dont want to see a psychiarist because not only I don't want this on my medical record; I also bump heads with that person because I will only accept my views and my views only. I see life as screwed up, I am stressed out and I have thoughts of death on my mind but i am taking steps to try to eradicate this feeling once and for all. I know I have issues and even when I get out of this depression I will still have issues until my demise. If I decided to stay alive, I mind as well try to fight back until I give up. I am going to give this supplement a chance and this could be my last chance. I hope you right back
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

Certainly it's your decision, but if you want to address your thoughts and feelings, it seems pointless to side-step the known, medically acceptaed cure.

 

Protazen will not work for you, but do know that antidepressants are going to be there when and if you decide the take them

 

And finally, when you say, "I also bump heads with that person because I will only accept my views and my views only." There is nothing to bump heads over - you go, tell them your symptoms, they write you a prescription and you take it - that's all :-)

 

Good luck!

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
So theres no other way that you can think of that will cure my depression?
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

Oh, yes, Counseling is one way- that's takes about a year to turn the brain chemistry around. Antidepressants are the other - they are best in combination, but I think you'd do better with just trying the medication for now. Then, later, if you want, you can always talk to someone.

 

And, keep in mind, that if you get on the right medication, and take it long enough to cure the biochemistry, you can get off the meds - without the symptoms returning.

 

As well - the longer youwait to treat any brain chemistry problem, the harder it can be to treat - and the longer you leave it untreated - the more likely it is to recur.

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Dear XXXXX

I am getting worse by the day. I felt like killing myself. I feel so depressed that nothing matters to me anymore. I am alone in darkness and the way I see it, there's no point in living anymore. I don't know what else to do. I can't live like this sink would rather die. I
Need someone to talk to please help.
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

Please pick up the phonebook and start calling psychiatrists. Your depression is passed the point where you can just do counseling - you need an antidepressant.

 

Nancy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Dear XXXXX

I am here in the computer and I feel very depressed but no matter what I can't end it all. Not only I am afarid to do such a thing but deep down in my heart I can't. I am depressed because I don't have my career started and I need it to start now because I am concerned with my retirement. I need my career to start now. I can't afford to wait any longer. Even after when I get my career started, I will be so broken down that I may even suffer depression after this. You see there is a possibility that my depression can come back to haunt me because of this traumatic experience. Something died, which is a part of me. It died a long time ago and this is what the end result. I'll try to do my part to getting well but even when I get on with another department, I may feel anger and hatred inside because of the things that they all put me through. Because of the emotional damage that fire departments do to people like me who are trying to get on, I am forced to retire earlier than most, not put any stickers on my car, and not work overtime, and forced to start a second career. please write back...
Expert:  Nancy replied 5 years ago.

I know it's impossible for you to see now, but if you get on antidepressants, all of these feelings will go away and you will be back to yourself.

 

Don't sidestep this any longer - get on an antidepressant!

 

Nancy

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Nancy
Nancy
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ABD for a PhD in Psychology, Psychotherapist for over 20 years