Hi there ,
Welcome to Just answer !
What type of psychological counseling have you gone through , and by whom -- a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist?
Well, thanks for the reply , and i really appreciate your detailed explanation as it has put to rest many doubts and queries in my mind . Well, first of all, i will prefer that instead of rushing to a psychologist , and seeking help for the distress that you are facing as of now, it will be better to give a fair try to solve the problems yourself.
I am really sorry to know about the abusive relationship you had with your father , but then since he is no more it is not apt to talk about him , may his soul rest in peace , although this must have influenced you immensely and to an extent it may have been a cause for you distancing yourself from your family , but , if you see, no body is perfect , as we all say now and then , but this phrase has a deeper meaning in life which can solve a lot of tiffs / spats / hostilities , if we apply it in our lives.
Yes , i concede that since you are the youngest in the family ,your parents and siblings have dominated you most of the time , but i am quite sure you must have been looked after more than the other siblings as well, and your siblings also may be harboring such feelings that no one have given them their due and respect which they desrve ,things like these , expectations never cease to occur and they keep on multiplying as we move on in life , but to stop meeting your own family , will not be a good idea , as after all they are your flesh and blood , and many misunderstandings and tiffs can be resolved by talking about them in a mature , subtle and undersanding way , and i believe you seem like a person who is balance headed , and you are the one who can take initiative and sort out your differnces with your sister and even your brother , and i believe you will not become small in stature or it will not dampen your reputation if you take the initiative , in sorting it out , in fact it will be a move which will show the level of maturity that you hold , and i am quite sure others would appreciate it.
Why i am asking you to sort things out with your family members , is because this is an opportunity for you take out fear of getting hurt from your mind , and this will happen only when you will move against the tide , or will look into the eyes of your fear and win over it by reinstating the forgotten love that exists betwen you siblings.Well , if you want you can take help of a psychologist for carrying out Famil therapy , with you and your brother and sister attending the session together or individually , but i still prefer that you talk to them personally , and i am quite sure that they are also longing for the reunion to happen. You see , one has to have a support of family members , yes right now you have your husband and kids , but what about your siblings with whom you have shared a great bond over the years .. so i suggest you introspect deeply over this , as this is the main reason ,why you want to part ways with family members , as you think they should be more respectful towards you , and i believe they should , but that would happen only when you express your feelings in a warm , and understanding way to them , i am sure they will reciprocate in the same affectionate tone.
I wish you all the best and happiness. Take care..
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I am so sorry for the extremely unprofessional response you received from this man - ignore that, please and let's you and I talk this over. I've reported him (again) for being so unprofessional - you may want to do the same.
I've read what you've written, and just want to clarify a few things - when you talk about betrayal, are you referring to both your husband and your sister? Or your brother for being so abusive now?
We can come back to that after you've answered - but do let me say this - sometimes, when a father treats one child as though he doesn't like her - it's to protect his relationship with another daughter - sometimes because he's molesting her. Is that a possibility here? Was there a golden child-daughter he had a close relationship with? I mention this because you say your brother became aggressive toward you - another sign is when someone steps into that unpredictable family role. It's a stretch - I know, but I just want to bring it up because SO MANY women come to me after a life of being rejected by Dad, only to find out that he was molesting another sibling. It's a little talked about syndrome... but just something to think about.
That early on rejections certainly does impact your future relationships and it's no wonder you've retreated into your own world - working at home, barely trusting anyone. But, I will point out, that's a good defense mechanism and because you are so aware of what you are doing and why you did it - if it's something you want to work through and get past - you can. People with high insight can always achieve their goals with good guidance - it's the people with low insight that struggle.
You see to understand family dynamics - and on that note, you know that in some families, there is a scapegoat. You seem to have been cast into that role. Changing that is almost impossible unless all of the other family members see it and want to change it as well - but after all of you growing up with an unpredictable, abusive Dad, chances are, at least some of your siblings are stubborn, willful people who are not as psychologically minded as you.
As for your children not having an extended family - it seems they might be better off with no family than a family that doesn't love and cherish you. I know that's a hard pill to swallow - to consider letting them go, but are they ever going to be the family you want them to be, for you, or for your children? If so, let your children pursue that - even if you don't want to, but it seems that the abuse has taken its toll - it broke you all apart (which is what abuse does) and sometimes that is irreparable.
You let down the walls, by intellectually gauging who you can trust. Some people are trustworthy and some are not - you know who they are. Trust yourself to know what's right and wrong for you.
Start experiencing your feelings again - don't block out the good when you block out the bad - allow youself to feel what's happening in your life.
Start trusting one person at a time...