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Hi there ,
Welcome to Just answer !
Well, i am completely overwhelmed by the display of warmth and affection that you have shown towards your step daughter ,what you have done for her, not even real parents do for their children in the current scenario , it is indeed my pleasure to come across a person like you who has great integrity and dignity and love for all , God bless you and you should be proud of yourself and the life that you are leading. However , it is equally dissapointing to know , that your step daughter does not appreciate your never ending efforts for her , and she keeps running back into trouble .
So,i will suggest that this time around you and your husband need to take a firm stand on the whole situation , and first try to make her understand in a friendly and warm manner about the repurcussions that she may have to face later on in life , due to the nomadic AND iresponsible life style she has chosen , not that her past has been any better and if this does not work , then you have to take a strict stand , and try to cut down her finances , which i presume you people must be paying , although keeping her children well looked after , it is just that you have to give her an ultimatum of sorts that she has to choose between good and bad for not only herself , but for her kids as well , and try to corner her in such a way that she does not meet her mother , because as long as her mother keeps influencing her lifestyle , she will behave in such an irresponsible manner .. This is a clear case of a child ( your step daughter ) being badly influenced by an irresponsible and self centered parent ( her mother ) , and although you are doing maximum to provide her a better future , your daughter in her present state of callousness , is depriving herself of your love and affetcion , as wella s a bright future for self and her kids.
So, i will suggest that you and your husband this time around take a firm stand and give her options and opportunity to ressurrect her life and start taking her life nore seriously ,as she needs to take care of her children as well , and time passes by very quickly , and once important time is passed it does not give a second opportunity , still she is young , and has a lot potential for a wonderful life.
Somehow , i feel that after you try to convince and give her an ultimatum for mending her ways , if still she does not comply and carries her ignorance around further , then it will be best for you guys to take her to a psychologist / psychotherapist and get her started on counseling ( psychotherapy ) such as behavioural therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy. I am quite sure help form a psychologist will make your task much easier , but i suggest this needs to be done after she declines your offer to get back to normalcy.
I wish you all the best .. Take care . God bless
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