Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
I'd start with just telling Mom what's on your mind... it'll really make a huge difference when you open up to someone -- and Mom loves you and will be supportive.
But the bigger issue you absolutely need to address is that you've always been anxious, and now you are shaking, can't sleep and crying. Those are all symptoms of depression -- even the lifelong anxiety.
Depression comes in many forms, but one, is called dysthymia; it's a long term, low-grade depression that can last for years. People are able to get up and go to work, and look and feel happy most of the time, but their thinking is depressive, they can have exhaustion at times, little motivation, lots of guilt (like living with a mother so she won't be alone) etc...
Without treatment, dysthymia turns into a full blown depressive episode -- filled with shaking, crying, sleep issues...
So... threatment is easy! Make an appointment with a psychiatrist, tell them all of your symptoms and they will recommend some medications -- take those, even if you don't want to -- they will make you much, much better.
You'll be surprised how much of what you think is your "personality" is really the dysthymia -- all of your self-consciousness will go away, that feeling that you are the center of attention, all of it.... I promise!
I am so glad it helps to talk to someone -- keep that in mind -- you may want to also consider counseling :-)
The medications work on the cellular level to allow your normal brain chemicals to work properly; they are sort of the brain cell police-- they go in and redirect everyone to the right place. They don't give you a false sense of anything-- they actually make you more YOU.
Dysthymia is considered a medical disorder in that it can be treated with medication and a mental health disorder in that it involves thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that your brain chemicals (specifically, the neurotransmitters serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine) were, at some point overworked. When they become overworked, they created extra receptor sites-- then try to fill them. By filling them, they don't have an opportunity to work where they are supposed to -- creating more stress, creating more receptor sites and so on. That's how symptoms become worse over time.
So... the circumstance that can change your life is the medication!
You will be shocked at how much better you feel... always know you can email me back at any time, for support, questions/answers, whatever... and keep me updated on how you do on meds, okay?