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Well, i am really sorry to know about the unfortunate incident that has struck your lovely relationship with your husband , and i am quite overwhelmed to notice that all this while you have kept your calm and dignity and have tried to move on in life with him. However , what you have done here is that , you have not made hime realize his fault ,and you alone have endured the brunt of his fling , if one can call it that , resulting in a lot of pain that you have accumulated inside your heart .
This whole incident , has somewhat dented your trust relationship with your husband and probably now you have become a bit insecure about him, and this has definitely caused a lot of mental stress to you. The fact that you suffering from low mood , negative and suicidal thoughts , are indicative towards a Depression diagnosis and i believe it is high time for you to first let your husband know of your inner feelings about the whole incident , and besides this you should seek for Mariage Counseling , for both of you and Psychotherapy ( counseling in lay terms), individuallly for your Depression.
What really concerns me here is that you are having suicidal ideas , and this warrants prompt attention by a Clinical psychologist , so i suggest you consult a Clinical psychologist and get started on Psychotherapy ( counseling), the best psychotherapy for depression is Cognitive behavioural therapy ( CBT) , which is a short duration therapy offered by a clinical psychologist . I am asking you to seek professional help , as you need to vent out your emotions and thoughts to a professional counselor , and get relieved of the pain ,and talking to someone always helps , plus a professional will provide you the right type of counseling for your depression, thereby helping you to cope better with this unfortunate life event.
As i mentioned earlier , despite your husband, time and again stressing on the fact that he had only friendship , and nothing more than that , i believe you should believe him , but having said that , he should know about your pain which you have hidden deep inside your heart , as this will make him realize his fault and he probably will come up with the much deserved SORRY , which he owes to you .Also , you may ask him to come with you to see a marriage counselor , but this you should embark upon , if your hear to heart conversation with him, does not make him realize of your present state of agony and he still ,is taking the whole issue casually.
I know , what you are enduring right now , must be really nerve recking and frustrating , but you have shown a lot of charachter and poise , which any other person could not have shown , so i completely believe , you can come over this sad event and put together your life once again and live with the same trust and happiness with your husband.
I wish you best of health. God bless!
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